Pythagorean Theorems aren't the answer
by RunFreeCuzLifeIsJustADream
Summary: Logan and his sad past. Eventually will BLOOM AND FLOWER into a Carlos!Logan romance. Whee!
1. Newflash

I'm on a sad story kick :P

* * *

I went to bed at 11:30. It's 4:56 now, and all I've been doing is watching the minutes passing on my clock. I watched all 30 minutes of that guy, pleading innocent of dealing drugs and having child pornography. I watched as he lied through his teeth, looking right at the camera, smiling sheepishly like this was all some little mix-up.

I can't go to sleep. Every time I try I could see him, blowing smoke in my face, smiling that disgusting smile (back when he didn't have enough money to get his teeth whitened). So I just decide to stay up. Listen to my phone vibrate. Make up Pythagorean Theorems in my head and them solve them. After a while, it gets confusing, even for me, so I just look at the clock. Wonder if she's ever going to stop calling. It's 5:00, and right on time the phone vibrates. I sigh, pick it up and press answer.

"Hello?"

"Logan, oh my god, I've been calling you! Why didn't you pick up?"

"'Cause I didn't WANT to?"

"You wanna act all fucking uppity now, right?"

"Not wanting to talk to you isn't uppity, it's common sense."

"Ok, fine, if you didn't want to talk to me why the hell did you answer?"

I shrug like she can see me.

"Whatever. Did you see the news? It's sooooooooo sad!"

"You have a fucked-up point of view."

"Ok, maybe he did deal a little but he helped us out so much! How could you be so ungrateful?"

"Oooh, he gave us money and fed your addiction but in exchange for what?"

"Jesus, you need to get over that."

"Fuck you."

She laughs. The fact that I know exactly what she's laughing about caused me to throw the phone. Of course, it hits Kendall by accident.

"Why?" I didn't know he was up.

"Sorry." I say, a chuckle in my voice.

"I don't wanna be rude or anything but who were you cursing out?" he asks. He must be suspicious because I swear like once every 2 years.

I sigh. "My so-called mother."

"Ah. I see. Why was she calling?"

"I don't know, I think it was the coke talking."

"Ah."

Awkward silence.

"In exchange for what?"

More awkward silence. After a while, it turned to snoring. I wanted to tell him, really. But my emotions wouldn't let me. So I just curled into my sheets and cried until the alarm clock beeped.


	2. He's a dead pregnant dude

"Dude, come on, you're supposed to be the one waking me up." Kendall whined, shaking me. I sighed and curled up tighter. There it was. I spent a year without it and most of my life avoiding it, but the depression is here once again.

I tried to groan him away.

"UP!"

I made a whiny noise.

"Sex noises aren't going to get you off the hook." I chuckled, and I guess he took that as an initiative to rip the covers off my body.

"Eww, did you color purple underneath your eyes? And you're whiter than normal." he observed.

"How is that even possible?" I mumbled. He shrugged, marched over to the side of my bed and pulled me to a sitting position by my shoulders.

_"Mommy, I don't want to anymore!" A small child screams up at his mother, teary eyed. The mother laughed cruelly and snatches the boy up by his shoulders. He cries out in pain._

_"You don't make the rules around here." she whispers in his ear and shoves him into the hallway._

I look down and fold my hands in my lap, not wanting Kendall to see my eyes watering up.

"You missed breakfast, everyone's dressed, you need to get up." Kendall pleads. I shake my head and plopped back on the bed, eyes squeezed tight to block the irritating sunlight out. Kendall refuses to give up, however, and drags me off the the bed by my ankles. I curl into a ball on the floor.

"Seriously? What's going on?" he asks, suddenly sounding worried.

"It's nothing. I'm tired." I lie, even though I am tired, I can't go to sleep. I can hear Kendall biting his nail.

"Uhm, ok. I guess you'll just stay here then." he said uncertainly.

"Bye." A couple of minutes pass before the door closes.

**[Page Break]**

"Is he dead?" I hear Carlos' voice ask.

"I'm assuming it's your lunch break?" I murmur into the floor, same position I was in a few hours ago.

"I don't know what's WRONG with him. Why did mom have to go to visit relatives?" Kendall complained. I sigh into the floor.

"I mean he hasn't moved at all."

"I suggest you come to the studio. Gustavo is pissed that you ditched today." James says. I say nothing.

"Is he pregnant?" Carlos asks.

"What's with the stupid questions?" Kendall yells.

"I'm just asking!" Carlos says, laughing.

_"I'm pregnant." the boy's mother says blatantly. The boy, who hasn't looked his mother in the eye for god knows how long, looks at her, eyes wide._

_"You're what?"_

_"Not for long, though." she says, sipping her coffee._

I curl in tighter and wrap my arms around my knees and start crying again. Silently, of course.

"We're not leaving until you get up." James announces. I shrug shakily.

"Dude, yesterday he was all fun and games. What the hell happened?" Carlos mumbles.

"I don't know." Kendall says. I can almost see him biting his nail. "I do not know."


	3. Shower sex solves all problems

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at Kendall and Jo, who are staring at me.

"I see we're making progress." he said. I sighed.

"I just sat up."

"Progress!"

"You're acting like I'm learning how to walk."

"That's how it seems!" he says angrily. I feel bad for making everyone worry, and then there's that other side of me that doesn't give a damn. I shrug.

"Are you coming to dinner?"

Silence.

I nod. The room seems to glow with satisfaction even though dinner's like 2 hours away.

"Yay! OK then. Kendall's going to take a shower." he said in 1st person. I roll my eyes and give him a weak shove.

"I'm coming along." Jo sing-songs. I give Kendall a thumbs up before they leave.

The boy turns off the shower head and sits on the shower floor. He smiles lovingly at his girlfriend who is also sitting on the shower floor.

"Hi." he says. She giggles. He sighs and digs his nose into the crook of her neck.

"Three more years until I can leave this fucking town." he says.

"I know. It feels like we'll never be 18." she sighs. He kisses her neck.

"As long as you're here." he says. She laughs again and cups his face.

"As long as you're here, too." she says, and kisses him. They stop and stare in each other's eyes.

"Let's get dressed now." he suggests.

"We have to dry off first." she laughs.

I bury my head in my hands at the thought. I'm all cried out.

"Logan?" Kendall asks. I jump so high in the air I'm surprised I didn't hit the ceiling.

"Dude." I scowl.

"You ok?" he asks. I sigh.

"I was thinking about stuff." I reply. Kendall stays, but it looks like he really wants to leave.

"Go. Go have shower sex." I wave him off. He smiles and dashes back out of the room. I lay back down and stare at the ceiling.

Approximately twenty minutes later, Carlos enters my room.

"Hey. Can I sit in here?" he asks. I say nothing, so he shuts the door and sits on Kendall's bed.

"Lemme guess, you're here because Kendall said to check up on me?" I ask.

"No, because I can't stand listening to Jo and Kendall anymore!" he whines. I laugh a little.

"I'm serious. Watch, listen." Carlos gestures for me to come over to the door. I reluctantly get up because I'm getting tired of laying down.

"Keeeendall!"

"Jooooooooooooo!"

Carlos cringed and flopped back on his bed. I sat on the floor, no energy to be flopping anywhere. He was staring at me.

"No offense, but you look scary."

"Offense taken."

"Why are you all depressed?"

"I'm just tired."

"Bullshit." he said, getting up from the bed. I gasped. "I know, I know" he said, sitting in front of me.

"Fine, what are you thinking about RIGHT NOW?" he says. I buried my head in my hands again.

"Chickens."

More sounds from the bathroom.

Carlos groans and hops on Kendall bed.

"Why aren't you used to them yet?" I ask, amused.

"Because regular 16 year olds aren't supposed to!" he yells at the door.

"What do you think I have to go through?" I throw at pillow at him.

"They do not. While you're in here?" he asks incredulously.

"Well, no, but let's just say Kendall's not unemployed." Carlos laughs.

"Well that's not awkward."

"Not at all." I laughed. I didn't even notice Kendall was in the room. I almost jump on the ceiling for the second time.

"Are you satisfied?" I asked, smirking. He rolled his eyes and tightened his towel.

"No." he says sarcastically. "And why is Carlos here?"

"Because I was in the living room enjoying TV but I couldn't even watch it because of you and Jo!" Carlos complained. Kendall looked like he would blush if he wasn't already red.

"Leave you two. I have to get dressed." he says, pushing us out. I shuffle over to the couch, lightheaded and plop on it. Carlos continued to stare at me.

"You really need like, foundation or something. You look like a zombie." he said. I sigh and as soon as I start closing my eyes, Jo came bursting in.

"Hey." she said, sitting on the floor next to us.

"You made me miss my show. Don't HEY me!" Carlos screamed.

"You won't be saying that when you actually get some!" she yelled at him. He squinted at her and turned to the blank TV. Jo laughed and hopped on the couch.

"You know I love you Caaarlos." she sang.

"No. You may not talk to me. Unless you have pudding." he pouted. I laughed.

"I understand your pain." I said to Carlos. Jo scoffed and started towards my room.

"You guys are just JEALOUS!" she said dramatically, threw her head back and walked in the room. I rolled my eyes.

"Been there, done that." I mumbled. I probably mumbled to loud because Carlos' eyes widened so much I thought his eyelids would rip.

Ooops.


	4. Little Logans aren't meant to be

"I was.. kidding?" Even in my exhaustion-induced monotone, I was unconvincing. Carlos grabbed my shoulders.

"You must explain! Like, now!" he screamed. A loud laugh came form my room. I sighed.

"It's a long, boring story." I said, kind of drifting off in space.

"OH MY GOD, TELL!" he said, shaking me.

"Dude, if you stop I'll start! I'm like blacking out!" he stopped. I took a deep breath and started speaking.

"She was like, literately, my everything. Well, that's not saying much since I basically had nothing if not negative amounts of love and care. Anyway, she had this red bob cut, and a side bang, her cheeks were like, babies' cheeks, they were adorable. Her eyes were big and blue, just everything about her was innocence and beauty. I don't even know how we met, we just did. She just like, fell from the sky. Anyway, anyway, you know, we dated for like 2 years, it was a... physical... relationship from the beginning-" I was cut off.

"Oh mi DIOS, yo no puedo creer que nos mintio de esta manera!" he screamed at me. I stared at him blankly.

"Ooops, sorry, OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIED TO US LIKE THAT!" he screamed again. I threw up my hands.

"I'm SORRY, I have my REASONS!" before he could ask, I started talking again.

"ANYWAY, yeah, we're were like heads over heels in love. It was literately the best and worst 2 years of my life, but then again, my life did suck. Anyway, when we were fifteen-" I was cut off again.

"Wait, you were with this girl for like 2 years and we didn't KNOW?"

"Uh, yeah, basically. You guys are clueless." Really, REALLY clueless. "ANYWAY, when we were fifteen, uhm, stuff happened that was pretty crazy and sad and yeah that's the end of the story." I said. The lump in my throat felt like a bowling ball.

"You're not serious right now." Carlos said blankly. I sighed shakily and continued even though my eyes had already started watering and I could tell my voice would crack.

"Ok, fine, when we were fifteen, she announced there would be a little Logan around, so it was like OH MY GOD at first but then we got used to the idea and eventually we just got over it and got all excited for the baby. But, uhm... she... got shot in a drive-by. And that was the end of that." I said, sadly chuckling. Carlos' hand loudly clapped to his mouth and his eyes were wider than before.

"Mierda." he finally said. I sighed and spontaneously burst into tears.

"I-I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU JUST SAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIID!" I cried loudly. Kendall and Jo both came bursting out of the room, both surprisingly still clothed.

"What did you do?" Kendall yelled at Carlos. Carlos started yelling at Kendall and Jo started yelling over Carlos at me. It was unbearable.

"! OH MY GOD!" I screamed, pushed past Jo and Kendall, burst into my room and flopped on my bed. I curled up and continued crying.

Later, staring at the blackness of the ceiling while feeling Kendall's eyes on me, I realized, I venting about her just helped me let go.

Now to deal with the 800 billion other problems of my life.


	5. Sex is Logan's worst subject

"LOGAN! You. SUCK!" Gustavo screams in the middle of our song.

_The boy sat there, completely dumbfounded. The mother stares at him from under her eyelids._

_"You know? Because if I had the baby, it would most likely be all weird and disgusting because it's yours." she says._

_"YES. I GET it." The boy says, no longer looking at his mother, but at his cereal._

_"What's wrong with you, your the one who got me PUREGNAAAAAAANT." she stretches out the word._

_"Mom, shut the fuck up!"_

_"MAAAAAAHM, SHUT THE FUCK APPPP!" she mocks his Minnesota accent._

_"! LOOOOGAN, THIS IS YOUR BAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" she sings in an opera singer's tone, laughing as she does. The boy gets up from the chair so fast it falls. The mother laughs harder._

_"Wait! Come back, you sicko, you got your mother PUUUUUUUREGGNANT!" The boy bursts into tears as he runs up the stairs._

_"LOGAN, get your ass back here! Ugh, you SUCK!"_

I cringed, but nobody seemed to notice.

"I don't CARE if you have your head down BUT AT LEAST SING IN THE MICROPHONE!" he screams again. My brain was pounding so hard against my skull I thought I might die.

"Dude! Chill out!" James screams back at Gustavo. Gustavo looks at Kelly. Kelly looks at Gustavo. Gustavo and Kelly look at James.

"EXCUSE ME?' Gustavo screams again. I'm looking at my hands in my lap, waiting for them to shut up.

"Did I stutter?" James yells. Gustavo starts for the door but Kelly stops him and they have a heated discussion. We couldn't hear because he turned off the microphone.

"Thanks." I whisper. James slaps my back without looking. Kendall and Carlos just stared at me and I listened to my stomach rumble. It had taken me a lot of effort to hide that I was extremely prone to drop from exhaustion and hunger, but I did it. Right now I'm trying to hide the "disgusting, rapist-y" dark circles my friends pointed out to me. The door opens.

"Logan. Gustavo wants to see you in his office." Kelly says, obviously annoyed. I shrug and go over, head still down. I don't remember walking over to Gustavo's office, but I ended up in a chair in front of his desk.

"I would like to know what's up with you." he says. I keep my head down.

"Nothing." I lie.

"WELL, everyone's saying your depressed or sick or half-dead, I don't know. And look at me." I reluctantly lift my head and Gustavo cringes in his chair.

"Eww." he finally says. Kelly sucks her teeth and walks over to me.

"I told you something was up GU-STA-VO." she says sternly. "He needs to go home." Gustavo laughs.

"NO, HE MAY NOT. We have deadlines, I hope you know that." he booms. Kelly tilts my head up.

"Look at this! His eyes are half open!" she screams at him. I didn't even realize that until she said it. She sounded like she was underwater too.

Oh my god. This is not the time to pass out.

"Fine, fine! UGGGGGHHH! Take the dog home. Just... UGH!" Gustavo said, obviously mad.

"Come on, Logan. Ew, he's like, paler then normal." Kelly said pulling my arm. I didn't move. My body just wouldn't let me.

"No... let me sit here..." I whispered, although I wanted to say that loudly. Kelly pulled harder and her voice sounding urgent.

"No, Logan, let's go." I closed my eyes and went limp.

"I'll be there in a moment..." I sighed. Kelly's nails were digging into my arm, but I felt no pain.

"Logan? Oh god. You should have sent him home earlier Gustavo!" she yelled letting go of me.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT HE PASSED OUT!" he screamed back.

_The boy sat on his bed, reading a magazine, zoned out and feeling happy for once. Suddenly, loud crashes and screams started coming from downstairs. The boy sighed and continued flipping through the magazine._

_The door flies open and a man stands there, looking royally pissed off. The boy practically jumps out of his skin and crawls to a corner on the bed._

_"Let's not even make this a struggle." the guy says, magically pantsless, standing over him, looking like he wants to rip the boy's eyeballs out of his skull. The boy closes his eyes, and numbs himself, as always, but he can still feel disgusting, worthless fingers pull of his pants, flip him over, and-_

I woke up screaming. Gustavo and Kelly stare at me like I just descended from the sky. I'm shaking and crying, suddenly very awake.

"Can you please get me out of here?" I asked quietly and hoarsely.

"Uhm, Logan?" they say at the same time. I take a shaky breath.

"I would like to be taken home." I say again. They just stare at me and tears continue to pour down the side of my face.

"FINE, I'LL JUST GO MY DAMN SELF!" I screamed, ripping from the chair and stomping out of the office. I didn't know how I would go home, so I just opened the door and walked back to the studio. I was surprised none of them were listening at the door.

"Uhm... Logan?" Carlos asked. I raised my eyebrow to indicate that he could talk. "Are you... ok?" I sighed.

"Not exactly." I replied. There was an extremely awkward silence.

"Where is.. uhm... Kelly and Gustavo?" James asked. They walk in as soon as he asks.

"Yeah, so, I decided to end this early." Gustavo says, glaring at me.

[Page Break]

I had closed the shades on the window, curled up in my sheets and squeezed my eyes shut. I felt like a porcupine, especially since whenever anyone tried to talk to me I would dismiss them with a sentence that usually involved swearing. I hope they knew I was just too wrapped up in my thoughts to be nice, or just shut up. I felt like darkness was eating me away, and I let it. It would have totally consumed me if Carlos didn't come in 3 hours after we were sent home.

"Logan?" I didn't respond. He sat on Kendall's bed. I heard him scratch his arm.

"I'm bored." he said finally. I laugh.

"So you came to me?" I ask. He flops on Kendall's bed.

"All Kendall can talk about his Jo and all James does his brush his hair." I don't respond.

"Rock that body, come on, come one, rock that body, ROCK YO BODY!" Carlos randomly started singing, and loudly. I was so irritated by then I uncurled myself from the covers and stared at him.

"Really?" he grinned and started singing again. He sounded like a dying squirrel.

"Do you remember we were sitting there by the water? You put your arm around me, for the first time! You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, you are the best thing, that's ever been mine!" he screeched. I sat and stared at him jumping on Kendall's bed and screaming at the top of his lungs and randomly changing the song.

"I am in MISERY, there ain't nobody who can comfort me, OH YEAH!" he sang. He jumped and and landed sitting on the edge of the bed. "That song should have 'Dedicated to Logan' on it." he said, looking up like this was a new and surprising concept. I rolled my eyes.

"You can't even fathom how true that is." I mumbled.

"Although I don't understand what you just said, I want to know what's up." he replies. I shrug.

"Tired." I lie as usual. He raises his eyebrow. I sigh. "You don't wanna know and I can't even form into words what's bothering me." Carlos jumped off the bed and onto mine.

"I don't know if you want to hear this, but there is a houseful of people who are stressing over you and wondering what's going on. You can't imagine what it's like to have you like this. It's like... we're in an alternate universe, where James is humble, Kendall is shy and I'm not wearing a helmet. So you can imagine how confused and tortured everyone is. I even saw Gustavo look worried. To make a long story short, we give a fuck, and I, personally, can't stand this." he said. I was quiet for a while, to let all that sink in.

"You curse too much." I finally said.

"Ohmidios!" he says, exasperated. I laughed.

"It's true." I was silent again.

"Stop avoiding the subject!"

_"Logan!" the mother slurred and grabbed the boy up in a hug. He tried to pry away, but she had some kind of superhuman strentgh._

_"Seriously, stop." the mother held the boy at arm's length._

_"Why would you leave me? I was pregnant with your son and everything, you just ditched me!" she cried drunkenly. "I named him after you, you know." the boy ripped himself from his mother._

_"Mom, you always do this. Just... sit down." he pleaded, but the mother pounced on him._

_"Why'd you leave? You said you'd be gone for a week. You've been gone for... wow. It's been 13 years. I LOVED you! I love you!" she slurred, unbuttoning the boy's shirt. She had his chest pinned under her knee. "We can still be a family. I can dump Daryl, and you can move back in... I missed you!' she cried again, finally attaching her lips to his. The boy promptly jerked so suddenly the mother flew to the side and he went sprinting up the stairs._

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COME BAAAAAAACK! WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?" she screamed before bursting into tears._

"I am very prone to getting raped." I suddenly said after like 10 minutes of silence.

"What are you talking about?" Carlos asked, looking tired. I started laughing.

"Like, in my 16 years of living. I got raped by like, everybody!" I said, laughing my ass off for some reason. Carlos just stared at me like I was crazy. My laughs turned into painful hiccups which turned to sobs.

"Logan?" he asked quietly.

"No, seriously, like, by my mom, and her boyfriend and her ex-boyfriends, and it's, it's really fucked up!" I cried. I've been crying a lot lately. "If I'm not getting raped, I have the dick of death, as I told you about before. I'm just not that good with sex. Unless I woke up next to some random girl, but I can't remember anything because I was high out of my mind. And if I do have some kind of successful sex, all that happens is they get pregnant. And that sucks. A lot. You don't even know. Do you know how it feels to have been raped since you were 5? I DO! You feel like the freaking gum on the bottom of someone's shoe. Imagine getting your own mom pregnant? Like 3 times? That's... just sick!" I said in one breath. I continued sobbing so hard I almost went hysteric. A finally calmed down and realized that Carlos was holding me. It was silent once again.

"Th-that sucks." Carlos stuttered randomly. I laughed, kind of relieved that he didn't get all "Oh my god, that horrible" on me.

"Ya." I replied.

"Remember that time when I fell asleep on your bed and while you were reading I had an interesting dream and started humping your leg and you couldn't get me off and you ended up bitch-slapping me?"

"How could I forget?"

"I thought THAT was bad." he chuckled.

"It kind was though. You were like, screaming. In my ear." I replied. Carlos stuck his tongue out at me, even though we were kind of too close for that so he ended up licking my lip. His tongue kind of lingered there, which I actually was looking forward to to be completely honest here. I leaned forward and kissed him, surprisingly, since I'd usually start sputtering and blushing if Camille started kissing me. Eventually, hands were tangled up in hair and tongues started clashing with tongues... in normal language, we were making out. And then, of course, Kendall had to come crashing in.

"Carlos, wh-" he started then totally just stopped in the middle of his sentence. We both stopped mid-kiss and stared at Kendall, eyes wide.

"Hi." I said, still kind of attached to Carlos.

"This looks weird, doesn't it?" Carlos gurgled. Kendall, whose lips where scrunched up to the right side of his face and eyes were open as wide as ours, nodded. He cleared his throat.

"Well. Ok then. I'll just leave. Bye." he said stiffly and walked out of the door, then slamming it.

* * *

Btdubbs, thanks for all the support 33


	6. Logan should get depressed more often

The slamming of the door jolted me back to reality. I was making out with my best friend. My best friend and bandmate. And both of us are straight. I have a girlfriend named Camille, and Carlos has his prospects on the Jennifers. This shouldn't be happening. Everything wasn't in order and the ceiling was caving in. The world was exploding. The earth tilted off its axis. I could see Carlos looking me, but I kept my eye glued to the door, scared to look at him.

"Uhm. Wow. Ok then." Carlo mumbled, letting his arms drop. We sat there in total awkward silence, Carlos staring at the floor while I was still staring at the door. So many questions and contradicting thought were filling my head, I thought I might explode.

"I need to get out of here." I say. Carlo look at me as I shoot up so fast I can't see for a few seconds.

"This... I can't... the room is like suffocating me." I say quickly, trying to get to the door, but I keep wandering in other directions. I bump into the dresser and fall backwards into Kendall's night stand. I grab for the door, but it seems to get farther and farther away from me and I fall. I can hear Carlos yelling something over me, but it's like I'm underwater, and I'm floating slowly to the bottom, his image slowly disintegrating.

[Page Break]

I hate hospitals. The overpowering smell of medicine and sterilized everything makes me want to puke. I know, I'm supposed to be some sort of doctor or whatever, but I just can't stand being anywhere near the accursed place. So when I woke up in one, needless to say I was a little peeved.

As soon as I opened my eyes, I was met with blinding light. I blinked and turned to avoid it. To my right was a wall. To my left was James, Kendall and Carlos. I jumped so violently I almost fell off of the bed.

"Uhm. Hi." I said, uncertain about what I was supposed to say.

"How's it going?" James replied. Kendall nudged him and he shrugged.

"That's what I want to know." I answered.

"Why don't we just go find out?" Kendall said, tugging James up.

"I don't feel like going!" James whined. Kendall sighed and whispered something. "Oh. Right. Ok then we'll be right back!" he said before they scampered out of the room laughing. I rolled my eyes and looked at the ceiling. Carlos did not leave, however. he just sat there, looking at the floor. To be honest, I was happy about that.

"So you know I'm pissed at you right?" he finally said. I sat up and stared at him with disbelief.

"What did I do?" I ask incredulously.

"I had to frantically run and get Kendall and James and call 911 and blah blah blah and now I just realized I forgot my helmet. It's your fault." he said, crossing his arms like a mad pre-schooler. I just stared at hi and laughed in disbelief.

"How dare you blame me? You're the one with the kiss of death!" I yelled.

"You were the one who leaned!"

"Your stupid tongue was jut laying there!"

"You could have moved!"

"Well then it would be awkward for me and rejection for you!" Both of us were almost doubled over in laughter.

"Whatever!" he wailed, suddenly sitting in my bed. He moves fast.

'So it's your own damn fault you left your helmet. Loser." I responded.

"Nope, if you weren't depressed, I wouldn't have been around you, which to led a passion-fueled make out session, which led you to freak and die, which led me to forget my helmet at home. Ha." he said, blushing and taking out his iPod. I, embarrassed, read a list of muscles and bones on the wall, even though I knew every one by heart. Then, that's when I decided this was getting old.

"Carlos?" He was listening to something enthusiastically. I nudged him, and he just started dancing even more violently.

"CARLOS!" he screamed. Carlos suddenly looked irritated and took out his earbuds, which came out of the iPod touch. Sunday Morning was playing.

"Oh my god, yes, Logan?" he asked, irritated. My heart dropped.

"I... sorry... I wanted to ask if you could get James and Kendall..." I said sadly. My heart was stuck in my throat.

"Oh. Kay then." he said simply and left.

I took like 10 deep breaths to avoid bursting into tears. What was wrong with me? I couldn't be in love with my best friend. Not just because of a damn kiss. It's... not logical. Everything about my life is logical. It has to be. I refuse to let it be a random pile of mess like before. Never could I let that happen again. However, no matter what I tried to do in that moment, my heart would stop feeling like was going to beat out of my chest. I could stop thinking that my feelings weren't mutual, and my life would just fall apart. That's when, I, Logan Mitchell, discovered that you can't make logic of love. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed shakily. I was about to start sobbing when Kendall and the rest came in with a woman I assumed was a doctor.

"Hi. Laura. How are you feeling?" She asked. I opened my mouth to say something and she stuffed a thermometer in his mouth. Confused, I closed my mouth. Soon, the device beeped and she snatched it from his mouth. She roughly conducted all the usual checkups, and deemed me to be fine for now.

"You were diagnosed with mild insomnia and since you weren't eating, that didn't help much. According to your friend here, we suspect you have some degree of depression, so we're prescribing you anti-depressants. Ok? Ok." Before I could respond, she left in a huff and slammed the door.

"Well." Carlos said, who was retrieving his iPod, stuffed it in his hoodie pocket and laid himself next to me on the cramped bed.

"Carlos. No. Carlos." I pleaded, trying to push him off. He smirked and didn't move. There was no space, so I was crammed against the wall.

"I'm just gonna rest my eyes. Getting your depressed self here takes energy." he said. I flared my nostrils to avoid laughing and shoved him. He moved like two inches.

"Carlos. Oh my god, please move." I begged. He just closed his eyes. "You two! Get him off!" I yelled. They smirked.

"I think you can do that yourself." James mumbled. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"We'll just leave you two alone..." Kendall said, once again grabbing James.

"No! Wait! Ughhhhh!" I screamed as they slammed the door. I sighed and laid my head down on the bed. It wasn't so bad, squeezed against Carlos like this. At least he was warm. And there was also that fact that I had some sort of strong feelings for him. So I sat there, wedged between Carlos and the wall, thinking about Pythagorean Theorems and what to do about Camille.

About 10 minutes later, Carlos tossing and turning, and there was absolutely no space for that.

"Carlos. Caaaaarlos." I sang, shaking him.

"Nehhh." he said in his sleep, his angelic face looking troubled. I assumed he was having I bad dream, so I shook him harder.

"Carlos!" I screamed. He just moved closer to my side, so I laid down in a desperate attempt to not let him consume the whole hospital bed. I felt like a sardine.

"Ohmygosh, CARLOS!" I yelled. The whole right side of his face was twitching, which meant he was having a seizure or a nightmare. I assumed the better of the two.

"Jesus, wake up!" I yelled.

"Mmm." he moaned in response.

Oh, my god. This was not happening, not again.

Then, of course, in his random, Carlos-y way, he started furiously and painfully humping my leg.

"SHIT! JAAAAAAAAMES! KENDALL!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, at the same time trying to pry the horny child off of me. He was biting his lip in sheer concentration, and his eyebrows were furrowed. Plus, the way he was taking advantage of my leg, I'd be scared to try any kind of relationship with him.

"Ahhh!" he screamed over me. Nobody enjoys sex that much.

"HELPPP!" I screamed again. Nobody came to my rescue, even though I saw at least 5 doctors pass. Freakin' hospital. I resorted to flailing my arms at Carlos' body, but that didn't work either. He was making all sorts of unintelligible, primal sounds and I couldn't help but think how James can stand it. And of how irresistible he sounded.

Crap, testosterone, why don't you call before you visit?

"CARLOS! CARLOS CARLOS CARLOS!" I screamed while trying to push him off again. I wondered why nobody seemed to care about me disturbing the whole damn floor.

"Ahhh, fuck Logan!" he yelled over me again. I blinked, removed my hands and tilted my head all while staring at him. I was obviously imagining things. Right? Please say I was imagining things! Wait, no, say I wasn't! Wait, no, I don't want Carlos thinking he can be that rough with me. Wait... did I care? YES, I CARED... right? WHATEVER. I was imagining things anyway.

James and Kendall finally entered.

"You're really late. I REALLY need help, as you may have noticed." I said, bumping my head into the wall repeatedly because of Carlos.

"Heh-heh. You look like you already set up camp." James laughed. Kendall nudged him in the side violently. I looked down and realized I had indeed pitched a tent

"Ahh! Fuck you! Just help me, please." I screamed.

"Logan! Language!" Kendall said, shocked.

"Logan!" Carlos cried. Jame chuckled. This time, I was so startled, I bitch-slapped him for the second time. His eyes flew open.

"YOU! I'VE BEEN SCREAMING AT YOU AND HITTING YOU AND WHEN I SLAP YOU YOU WAKE UP? WHAT THE HELL, CARLOS?" I screamed, frustrated. He looks confused for about 2 more seconds and then turned so red I wanted to laugh.

"I-I..." he stuttered. I sat up swiftly and crossed my arms furiously.

"You? You? You talk in your sleep, I hope you know that." I said, less upset.

"Yeah, so I've been told. Look-" That's when he actually registered what I said. The redness of his face crept up to nose. I didn't know that was possible, and I'm the future doctor.

"What did I say?" he asked, terrified.

"A little ahhs, a little oohs, and maybe Logan, Ahh, fuck Logan!" I screamed at him. He then proceeded to burst into tears.

"This is YOUR fault!" he screamed at me.

"What? How is this my fault?"

"If you would have never gotten depressed, I would have never released my repressed LOVE for you, and I wouldn't be in this position right now!" he cried. I scrunched up my face in disgust.

"Don't blame me for your horniness, Carlos Garcia!" I growled. "And how dare you have sex with me so violently?"

"Logan, shut up, this is SOOO embarrassing!" he sobbed. I laughed.

"My leg is numb, dude. Imagine if..." he cut me off.

"DON'T! DON'T... SAY IT! YOU LOSER!" he screamed. He sniffed sadly and jumped from the bed.

"I'm not staying here. I'm going home. This room..." he tried to find right words while acknowledging the presence of the room with his arms. "It radiates rejection and embarrassment." He started for the door and I frantically searched for the courage to tell him.

"Wait! Shit, don't go!" I yelled. Carlos turned around, cheeks freshly glittery.

"I-uh-ya SEE..." I said, fumbling. Carlos rolled his eyes and starting walking again.

"Ok, look, I don't know what it is... but um, I think, I may have fallen in love with you, and I can tell this is the real deal, ya know, I can tell, because, well I don't know, and that's the point... well, it's some sort of strong feeling, and I don't know if I'd be able to go on if I know you left this room pissed with me, I'd like die, and I need you right now, yeah, I... really need you, so please, just don't be mad, I was just teasing you... I love you Carlos Garcia." I spat. Carlos filled his cheeks up with air and then blew it out.

"Like, I'm not even kidding, seri-" I was cut off because Carlos bounded from the door, leaped back on my bed and kissed me.

"-ously though, I actually do luh-" Kiss.

"-love you, like, I really, really-" Hand.

"Logan. Shut up." He said calmly. I nodded, he removed his hand and replaced his hand with his lips.

"Ok... time to leave again..." James said, now grabbing Kendall. I waved him goodbye.

* * *

I have noo ideaa what to do with this so either this is the end or i'll add something as soon as I get an idear(:


	7. Sleeping pills and resistance

Carlos turned on the light and dropped himself in front of me as I happily stared at the wall behind the TV. I left the hospital soon after Laura gave me the prescriptions, so it was around 10 now.

"Hi James." I sighed. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"No, Logan, I'm Carlos." he said slowly. I looked at him, dazed.

"Oh. You are Carlos. Hiiiii." I mumbled. If you're wondering what the hell's wrong with me, let's just say you shouldn't drink coffee and down sleeping pills with soda. It's not my fault. I wanted to wallow in my self-pity, but Carlos like literately shoved the shits down my throat.

"Are you... ok?" he asked, looking scared. I nodded sleepily.

"I feel like bubbles." I reply.

"Is that normal?" he asked. I nodded and blinked sleepily, even though I couldn't actually get myself to go to sleep. At the time, I literately felt like I was floating (yeah, away from my damn mind).

"I like bubbles."

"Ok, I think taking the sleeping pills was a bad idea."

"Oh my GAHD Carlos, you're going to hurt their feelings." I cried, limply hitting him.

"You need to lay down." he said, trying to pry me off the couch. I just laugh and make myself heavy.

"I'm not tired, James." I say with my eyes closed. He continues pulling me.

"I will drag you off this couch." he threatens.

"Yay!" I squeal like a young child.

"Logan, Jesus crap!" he yell, irritated.

"You. are going to. wake up. Carlos." I say sternly, swinging at his face.

"Oh, now we're getting hitty. You really need to just lay down and relax." He sounded like me. Heh. Come to think about it, I sounded like a dumber version of him.

"Stop nagging me!" I frowned, eyes closed once again. Carlos continued talking, but he sounded muffled. I said something, but I don't really remember what I said. I just know I eventually fell asleep to the sweet sounds of Carlos' voice.

**[Muahahaha]**

Luckily for me, I didn't have any dreams. I just randomly woke up in my bed. I laid there looking at the ceiling, partly because Carlos was laying on my chest and partly because I didn't want to get up. I still had a bunch of shit to sort out, and I didn't even know where to start. Kendall was in the shower but his phone continued it's annoying beeping. I wanted to smash it really badly, but my arm was trapped underneath Carlos (who was fully dressed and smelled like soap). So I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"You're heart is beating really fast." Carlos said. I closed my eyes instead of jumping, which would send him flying.

"You've just been laying here listening to my heartbeat?" I ask.

"Yeah. I didn't want to leave you here alone because I thought you'd might wake up and start acting crazy again and like set the house on fire." he replied. I scrunched my eyebrows together.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused. Carlos sat up and looked at me.

"Last night. You were acting like you were on something." he chuckled.

"I don't even remember last night, now that I think about it."

"It was hilarious! You thought I was James. Then you said you felt bubbly. And I you told me to quiet down or I might wake up Carlos."

"You are Carlos though."

"Exactly!" he exclaimed, clearly amused.

"Well I'm glad you seemed to enjoy all of this." I said sarcastically, a smile slowly creeping up on my face. "You didn't even bother to put on my pajamas. You suck."

"Well excuse me, I didn't want to rape you... for the 3rd time." he mumbled. I started laughing.

"Oh yeah, remind me to make a lawsuit against you." he turned his head to the side.

"Like a suit you wear to court?" I just shook my head sadly.

"Ah, I love you." I laughed. Carlos grinned so widely it was kind of scary.

"Ditto." he said happily, placing his forehead against mine. I could stare into those brown eyes forever. He leaned, but I placed my hand on his lips.

"Nope. Not until I change out of these accursed clothes." I teased.

"Wha- seriously?" Carlos yelled at me as I got off the bed.

"Yeah." I said nonchalantly as I looked for something to wear. He threw a pillow at my back, but I didn't turn around, just to bother him.

"Loser." he mumbled and folds his arms. I find something to wear (I miss my regular jeans) and go to the bedside table pick up my phone. I found out it was 9:30 and I had ten texts, all from Carlos during rehearsal. I rolled my eyes.

"I should have known. You're an obsessive texter." I laughed, putting my phone down and climbing back on the bed. He shrugged.

"I am not, I just have a lot to say." Logan rasied his eyebrow and held up his phone.

"First text, Chocolate. Second text, OMG I want a chocolate fountain. Third text, Why are you not answering? You're a loser. Fourth-"

"Ok, Ok, I know what I said to you!" Carlos laughed.

"Whatever. You suck."

"You wish I did."

"I bet you do."

"Do you **WANT **me to?"

"Maybe I do."

"You're annoying."

"I love you too."

"Oh my god, shut up!" Kendall groaned, entering the room once again. I laughed.

"Hush, Kendall, we have to deal with you and Jo like 24/7, and we're not even having sex." I say, sticking out my tongue. He scowls at me and goes rummaging for clothes. We leave the room and flop on the couch. James is already watching something/looking in a mirror and fully dressed.

"Why didn't you wake me up? Ugh." I complain and fold my arms.

"I tried! Gosh." he retorted.

"Yeah. Sure."

"It doesn't even matter, Kelly called and said Gustavo gave us a day off. Thanks to you!" he said, hugging me tightly.

"Yeah, yeah, get off me." I said, fake-trying to peel his arms from me. He just scooted closer to me and nuzzled his face into my neck.

"I will throw you." I said, laughing.

"Could you shut up? Jersey Shore is on!" James screamed, fixing his hair. I squinted at him.

"You're doing your hair!"

"I can multitask, Logan. I'm that good." he said, making faces at himself in the mirror. I rolled my eyes and tore away from Carlos. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"I have to shower." I teased, skipping to me and Kendall's room. I could feel him burning annoyed holes into my back.

This is **fuuuuuuuun**.


	8. Anger rocks

"Carlos. Please get off of me."

"NO. I WILL SERIOUSLY SHOVE THE BOTTLE DOWN YOUR THROAT." He screamed.

"That would kill me."

I was laying face-down on my bed and Carlos was straddling my back. As inappropriate as that sounds, it was the most un-sexy moment ever. He was trying to tun my head around and shove anti-depressants down my throat and I wouldn't let him.

After I got dressed, we all went to the mall and of course got engaged in our typical chaos (which included bandannas, chocolate pudding, crazy bag ladies with bats, being accused of stealing bags from crazy bag ladies with bats, poodles, hot bowls of water, helmets on sale and monkey suits). I accidentally got lost in my own thoughts again and got dragged home by Carlos while James and Kendall tried to convince the police that we're not purse snatchers.

**[Page Break]**

_"Oh my god, come on, hide!" Carlos screamed, violently pulling me into on of the mall bathrooms._

_"You worthless pieces of trash! I'll find you!"_

_The boy cringed as another bowl flew at his head but missed._

_"Where the fuck did you put my shit?" the mother screamed at the top of her lungs. Her hair was in several different directions and she looked like a wild-woman._

_"FINE! I threw it away!" the boy screamed back trying to run. The mother sprinted over and full body tackled her son into a wall. They both fell to the floor but the mother started hitting the boy rapidly in the face._

_"You stupid, worthless piece of shit! What the fuck is wrong with you?" she hollered, not standing and kicking him. His nose was bleeding, both of his eyes were bruised and his ribcage felt like it was about to explode._

_"Stop! Please!" he pathetically whimpered as he curled into a ball. She screamed at the ceiling and kicked him one last time._

_"Do you know. how much. I have to pay. to get more?" she said, eerily clam. "I'm not even gonna pay. It's your fault, I'm using you." he quickly turned to face her._

_"No, please, don't!" he pleaded._

_"Shut the fuck up." she spat, swinging her leg at his face._

"Logan? Why are you sniffling?" Carlos asked suspiciously. I frantically tried to wipe my face and eyes, but he turned me around too quickly for that.

"Ugh. Come on, we're leaving." he said, sounding annoyed somehow. I let myself be dragged back out of the bathroom.

**[Page Break]**

"I don't care!" he screamed.

"That's rude." He said into the pillow. I felt Carlos get off of me.

"Fine! Just lay there and sob and scream and sleep and block out the world!" he said, sounding like he was about to cry. I sighed and sat up.

"I'm fine, see?" I said, making the fakest smile ever. "You're the one who dragged me here, anyway, I could have operated just fine without being captured and thrown back into this apartment." I blamed, crossing my arms.

"I... I don't know what to do! I'm supposed to help you and support you but it's not helping and everything I do turns to shit and it's not fair!" he sobbed loudly, plopping down on the floor and putting his head in his hands. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know what to do." he repeated.

"You're not supposed to."

"Then what kind of friend am I?"

"Love interest."

"Then what kind of love interest am I?"

"A fine one. Just please, put down the pills." I requested, looking at the bottle. He shook his head.

"I don't wanna."

"Carlos. Just put them down." The sobs he was holding in was making him shake. It scared me that I was so numb I didn't really care. So I simply leaned down, plucked the bottle from his hand and threw it somewhere in the room.

"There. That wasn't so hard, was it?" I asked. He was looking at me like I was crazy. Then his expression turned into one of anger.

"Oh my god Logan, you're impossible! I'm like, giving ALL of my time and energy and you don't give a damn!" he yelled at me. I shrugged. His face turned even more red than it already was.

"Oh, so now you don't care? Just because you're wrapped up in your own life to pay attention to other people doesn't mean you have to be a complete and total dick!" He screamed. I squinted at his, now officially pissed off.

"Just because I don't want to take the damn pills? What the hell's WRONG with you?" I said, finally with emotion.

"It's not even that! You're just too shallow to even go into depth right now." he screamed.

"Ohmygood, I'm like DEPRESSED and all you care about is YOUR feelings?"

"YOU need to get over yourself and it's really not all about you and your fucked up life you know." I scoffed and threw my hands up.

"Oh, I am so sorry that I was like spiritually killed as a kid! If you weren't so STUPID and self-centered, then maybe you would have realized it!" Carlos was so close to my face I could smell chocolate and he bought ice cream like 2 hours ago.

"Oh mi dios, sabes que? Por que perder el tiempo, incluso de razonar con tu?" he yelled. I stood up and almost knocked him down.

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? I. AM. A. WHITE. CHILD." I screamed at the top of my lungs. He stared into my eyes, I stared into his. We both just stared at each other getting progressively angrier. I wanted to punch him so hard at that moment and I could tell he wanted to just like wipe my existence from this earth. For some reason I will probably never figure out, we both started kissing. It wasn't like regular kissing though. It was like we were both trying to push each other off but failing miserably. We were both trying to dominate this violent kiss but it just wasn't happening and it got more serious and competitive. What was supposed to be moans was growls and like, bottom lip bites. It literately felt like he was trying to tear all the hair from my scalp, but I was so busy trying to push him off and get closer and totally own that kiss. Soon our teeth were clashing together and we ended up on the floor (please don't ask me how).

When they said horniness and anger goes hand in hand they were so correct it's ridiculous.

"LOOOOOOGAN AND CAAAAAAARLOS!" James screamed. They were running towards the room so we had to separate but we had no time to look door slammed open so fast I was surprised I didn't fly into a wall.

"I can't BELIEVE you left us at the mall!" Kendall yelled.

"LIKE SERIOUSLY? The cops totally think we're juvenile delinquents now. They're like 'You get off with a warning, troublemakers!' You should have been there to testify! But no! You ran off! You suck!" James screamed. Me and Carlos looked at each other then looked back at them.

"Uhh..." I started but James stomped away. Kendall was staring at us like when he first walked in on us.

"What?" I asked.

"Ok to start, Logan, your hair looks like it was in a hurricane, your shirt is like halfway up your torso, your cheek is bleeding and you kinda look like you got tackled, basically." he glanced at Carlos.

"Same for you, except you have like, a freaking lion paw rip on the back of your shirt." he said incredulously. I seriously do not remember do that.

"Can you like, claw at each other in James' room? I haven't been in here and Jo's coming over." he scowled, flopping on his bed. We shrugged and left and awkwardly sat on the couch. Nobody turned on the TV or anything. I ran my hand through my hair and let out a breath.

"Well." I finally said.

"You should have just taken the pills." Carlos scoffed.

"If you haven't noticed, making out beats pills. By a ton."

"Not with YOOOU." he said obniousxly.

"Oh please, making out with me beats jacking off." I teased. He opened his mouth and closed it then finally turned to face me.

"I do not jack off." he said unconvincingly. I rolled my eyes.

"You're a liar. The walls are thin. And you always spanish-itize if your jacking off. And English aroused and Spanish aroused sound exactly the same." I argued.

"You're a loser. And you're dripping blood on the floor." he said, crossing his arms. I dabbed my cheek. "And we should fight more often."

Tell me about it.


	9. Camille Who!

**Camille: finally coming bacc frm south dakota XP yeaaa, you can kindaa guess it was boring. no service (im in another town), no TV, just likee, gardeningg and sittingg on the front porchh . it was torture :P haha well, i'll be there in like 1 day. you have no idea how much I missed you:* well, seeyaa soon babe.**

And that's what I woke up to. The girlfriend I completely forgot about and was totally cheating on and would be complete devastated coming back. I literately dropped the phone, started choking on my own spit and almost fell off of Carlos' bed.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Carols asked from the floor, sounding so tired I could barely understand that. I shoved the phone screen in his face.

"Look!" I commanded. He knocked the phone from my hand.

"It's like 7. We have like 30 more minutes. Hush from now until then." he groaned and put him head back on the floor.

"Seriously, you can't be that tired."

"YOU slept like a baby. I can't listen to Jo and Kendall. And all night. Like seriously. ALL NIGHT." he complained, eyes fluttering between opening and closing. I don't want to tell him that I didn't sleep, because I didn't swallow the pills he once again forced down my throat and I heard every single detail. I picked up the phone from the floor and shoved it in his face again.

"Read." I command. He finally does, except afterwards, he looks at it for a really long period of time. He finally looks up at me and I'm terrified.

"You woke me up to read a text form Camille?" he said, sounding dangerously calm.

"No, you don't get it." I said, shaking my head. "Like, what about Camille?" I said, already freaking out.

"Logan." Carlos moaned out of annoyance. I sighed, laid back on my pillow and let him go back to sleep. I closed my eyes. I felt bad for Camille. She'd come back from South Nowhere and find out that I was cheating on her, get all depressed and it'll be all my fault. I'm the horrible boyfriend. I wish she would have never met me. The sadness she would have to face made me want to cry. The disgusting presence of myself made me want to cry. I held it in and curled in Carlos' sheets.

They smelled like him. I calmed down. But not enough.

I don't know how long I was staring at the wall thinking about Pythagorean Theorems, but the alarm clock started ringing. Carlos sighed and sat up.

"Ok, what were you talking about now?" he asked. I kept facing the wall because I was scared he'd see the dark bags and sadness under and in my eyes.

"Nothing. Forget about it." I said quietly, getting up and heading for the door.

"WAIT!" Carlos called loudly. I stopped in mid-movement. James shrieked and fell off the bed.

"Why? WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?" He yelled at Carlos. He then realized I was in the room.

"Oh. Hey Logan." he said, like he was embarrassed. I waved and started walking again.

"Wait!" Carlos screamed again and James bore holes into his back. I put my head down.

"What?" I asked. He was already next to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. I nodded and started to the door before tears blocked up my throat and I wouldn't be able talk without sounding obvious. Of course he grabbed my arm.

"Logan?" He asked again. I turned towards him, head still down.

"Yeah?" I said, surprisingly steady.

"I know something is wrong." Carlos said, sounding stubborn. I sighed.

"Oh my god. There's nothing wrong. Can I leave now?" I asked, quite fiercely. He dropped my arm out of surprise and I took the opportunity to sprint away. Kendall was, of course, still snoring away. I violently threw a book at his back. He fell off the bed in the same fashion as James.

"Wha-?" he said, half wide awake, half sleeping. He tried to get up but failed because he was tangled in the sheets.

"Get up." I said dryly. He looked at me for a second.

"You threw a book at my spine." he said plainly.

"Yes. Now GET UP." I growled, grabbing clothes and slamming my way into the bathroom. I don't remember get undressed and turning on the shower. I lost that chunk of time for some reason. i just opened my eyes laying at the bottom of the shower.

Great. Now I'm blacking out. WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG?

My face was wet but I could tell it wasn't from the shower. I sat up dizzily and decided to sit on the shower floor. The water was freezing. I started thinking about how I hadn't been sleeping or eating in the last 4 or 5 days and maybe (just maybe) this was a result of that. Of course, I repressed the thought and curled into fetal position. I repressed all thoughts, in fact and just thought about Pythagorean Theorems while sobbing insanely. I must of have been sitting there for at least 30 minutes. I listened to Kendall pound on the door and finally open it.

"LOGAN!" He screamed. "Wha- Logan?" he said softly again. I said nothing.

"Uhm... Logan... you kay?" he asked. I nodded.

"No... uhm, I'll get Carlos." And before I could stop him, he slammed the door shut and was running towards the room James and Carlos shared. The last thing I wanted to see was Carlos, or even worse, Camille.

"Logan?" Carlos asked as the door creaked open. His voice was as soft as the wings of a mockingbird.

Great. I'm so delirious I'm speaking in figurative language.

"Carlos." I said, forcing myself not to shiver.

"How's it going in there?"

"Pretty good." I said, hoping he'd leave. He got closer.

"What's... what's wrong?"

"NOTHING." I suddenly barked. He didn't flinch.

"Logan, come on." he said, slightly tugging my arm. The last thing I wanted was for him to touch me. His warm skin against mine. To face how much I wanted to lean into his touch. I pulled back.

"Don't. Just go away." I said softly. I pulled my legs closer to my body and realized that I was naked. I felt more naked than I literately was.

"Logan, just... please." he said. I wanted to hug him so badly, and I used that energy to feign hate.

"Just... please leave!" I yelled, mocking him. He shifted from one knee to the other.

"I want you to look me in the eye and say that." he said, his voice shaking. I rolled my head obnoxiously to face him. His eyes were weak and he was vulnerable. I knew I could say anything and he'd fall apart. It was exactly what I wanted.

"Fuck. Off." I growled. I literately had to strain my eyes to make them look uncaring.

"Where the hell did this come from?" He asked, still looking like a lost puppy. I wanted to hold hi and tell him sorry. I wanted to say, "FUCK CAMILLE" and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. My heart was breaking rapidly. My breaths became erratic and I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. I realized I couldn't live without him. I could say what I wanted to. I told my body to reach for him. It wouldn't move. The water was freezing. My head felt like it was floating off of my neck. I started shivering crazily. I was tired. Last time all of this happened, I ended up in a hospital. I wanted to move, but I was so cold.

"Carlos, just scrape up the rest of your dignity and leave. Just please. And I don't just mean the bathroom. GO AWAY! LEAVE MY FUCKING LIFE!" I screamed out of fear and determination to extract Carlos from my life. I was shivering so violently I bit my tongue multiple times during that sentence and it was slowly streaming blood. I spat out much more than I thought was in my mouth already. Carlos was staring at me with concern and sadness. His eyes drifted to the corner of the bathtub. He then hoisted himself up and left the bathroom. I spat another mouthful of blood and bit my tongue 100 more times. The door slammed, and I randomly burst into tears, scared out of mind and not wanting to pretend to hate Carlos anymore. I was shivering and shaking from the sobs and I was cold, I'm pretty sure half my body was frostbitten, and I was late. I couldn't think straight. All the tiles in front of me were morphing together. My stomach flipped with doubt and longing and heartbreak. I thought of Carlos' face, his spirit broken, his usual demeanor shattered. Because of me. Nothing could fix this. My whole life is a screw up, for me and others. All emotions slammed into me and flipped my stomach. I spat more blood and threw up what looked like water (I couldn't have possibly thrown up food). The bloody, metallic taste of blood kept growing. I spat again and held myself tighter. Like I was holding myself in, making sure I wouldn't fall apart.

But that already happened, now didn't it? I seemed to be the only one who didn't notice.


	10. Yes, glomp is a word

Italics = Dream

Italics w/ Underline = What happened in real life, but is included in the dream

* * *

_The boy tore the entire room apart, sweating, on the verge of falling apart. The mattress was torn apart. The dresser and most of it's drawers were out. The table was overturned, everything was just a mess. The boy shook and a sob came from within and exploded out of his mouth. He violently sat to the floor (despite the pain that was inflicted upon his butt ten minutes ago) and started crawling and looking through every crevice for any sign of it at all. AT ALL. He could hardly crawl because his hands were so unsteady and sweaty. _

_Then he saw it. The plastic bag was only 2 feet away from him. It scrambled to get it, but the floor fell from under him. He groped for something, but he kept falling. He landed on the floor, but not hard. All lights flicked on and he was in a room full of mirrors. He looked away but he couldn't escape his reflection. He had to face himself. He was hollow, literately. His eyes and cheeks were sunken in. His shirt clung to ribs and hung where the absence of his stomach was. It was amazing he could keep himself up. His hands were shaking and his cheeks were tear-streaked and his skin was paler than ever. _

_He continued walking, trying to find a way out. He touched a mirror to see if it would give away, but instead of his reflection, his mother walked forward. He backed up and she stepped out. Every time he tried to get away she just came closer. More people came out of the mirror, his mother's evil boyfriend/supplier, his dead girlfriend, every kid from school who teased him, his mother's other boyfriend's who had rapist tendencies. He was now running backwards and they ran at the same speed. More and more people came from the mirror. He bumped into something and fell forward. He turned to face whatever he bumped into._

_It was Carlos, looking unsteady. The boy stood up and looked into Carlos eyes. He looked straight past him, dazed._

_"Carlos?" the boy asked. Everyone started backing back up into the mirror again. He then realized he was running for a while but went nowhere. Carlos looked straight into his eyes. It was like a knife cutting through his soul. The shorter boy swiveled around and started for the mirror. The boy leaped from the floor and grabbed his arm. Carlos turn to look at him, took a few steps back and put one foot back into the mirror._

_"Carlos! I know what I said but please don't go!" he panted. Carlos squinted at him._

_"If you want me you're going to have to face them." he said pointing to the mirror. He voice sounded empty, automated, like he had no reason to live. The boy recognized this voice and he knew he caused it._

_"I... i don't care. Just don't go please?" he said, chocked up. Carlos sighed and checked a watch that wasn't on his wrist before._

_"You're too late." he said, and went into the mirror with lighting speed. The lights started going off one by one. The boy let go of the mirror and sat down in the sheer darkness._

[Page Break]

I woke up in my bed, panting and the sheets on the floor. I looked at the clock. It was 1 in the morning. I remember being dragged from the tub awkwardly by James and Kendall, soaking wet and in shock from sitting in a cold shower for 2 hours. It was more like an out of body experience. The rest of the day is fuzzy. I think I slept the rest of the day. The bed was of course wet and I was super itchy, my pajamas sticking to me and whatnot.

I stood up from the bed, not knowing what to do but not wanting to dwell on my dream, because I was afraid history would repeat itself and I didn't want to think about Carlos. I started occupying myself by setting out clothes for myself, but I was done within 2 minutes. I sat on the floor, wringing my hands in the dim lamp light. It was more like digging my nails into my skin. I wanted to kill myself for even considering getting back on. Hadn't I learned anything? I had only been on it for two weeks and I was going crazy. I literately had to lock myself in a room to keep myself from going back. It was disgusting, I don't how my mother did it... excuse me, DOES it.

It effectively erased the bad components of my life, for about 2 hours. Then it was like the world was crashing down on my head, and I desperately needed more. It wasn't pretty. Not at all. I got up from the floor and went into the kitchen. I flicked on the light, and of course Carlos was there, eating in the dark. I swallowed a scream.

"Wha- what are you doing here?" I said in a whisper.

"I was hungry. Want half?" he asked, thrusting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at me. I grabbed the half.

"Thanks." I said tiredly and plopped myself next to him. I didn't care that I was supposed to be avoiding him. I was trying to not think of him and it was ruining the hell out of me. Just for a couple of minutes, could I soothe my pain?

"What's up?" he asked, mouth full. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't remember waking up. Did I wake up?" I lied, to avoid Carlos asking questions about my rudeness in the bathtub, which I knew he would. He bit his lip to avoid smiling.

"Mm. You like imploded in the shower though. So that's probably why you don't remember anything." he mumbled.

"I imploded? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You were like in the shower for like two hours and the water was ice cold. Gustavo made us record without you, by the way. So... your not in a song." he updated me. I shrugged. We all sounded the same anyway. I bit into the sandwich. I looked at Carlos. He looked so peaceful and calm and happy in the dim light of the kitchen. My throat closed up at the same time the sadness welled up in my throat. I was fighting to swallow the food, but I ending up crying anyway. It wasn't SOBBING. Tears just starting rolling down my face and the food finally went down. I continued to eat while crying silently.

"Oh wait, no, I'm sure Gustavo can put you in!" Carlos said, noticing my tears. I chuckled and rested my head on his shoulders. I didn't want to ruin this moment by telling the truth and sparing the feelings of the poor child next to me. I wanted to be relieved of my pain, no matter who it hurt. So I looked up at him. He looked at me. I kissed him. He kissed me back. I looked at him. He looked at me with such love and warmth and caring, it made my soul flip. I felt so bad right then. I felt like I was cheating him out of what he deserved. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't want to. I averted my eyes toward the floor and more tears dropped on the floor. I mumbled something unintelligible.

"What?" Carlos asked. I sighed shakily, which had been happening a lot this week.

"The text, I tried to show you this morning..." I was cut off.

"You said you don't remember anything from today." he said sharply, squinting at me. I opened my mouth in protest, but Carlos slapped his hand over it.

"I get it now. You were trying to show me a text from Camille, and it reminded you of her, which made you think of how you were cheating on her with me, which made you freak out, and now you want to say that we have to like not continue this or whatever." he said simply. I opened my mouth a few times like a fish, speechless.

"Am I right?" he asked again. I coughed.

"Uh, yeah. I guess. Whoa." was all I could say. He shrugged.

"It's cool." he said, drumming his hands on a table. Since we were little, that's what he always did if he was lying. I raised my eyebrow.

"I mean, I get it." he said again, now leaning his elbows against his hands on his legs. He was blinking furiously. I felt so bad I wanted to melt into the floor.

"I'm dumping Camille." I blurted out. I didn't know if my decision was stupid or not. I just knew I couldn't go through with it. Carlos looked at me, eyes wide open.

"Wait, really?" I nodded, not sure of what to do. He grinned in his Carlos-y way, and glomped me. He then procedded to back up.

"Why the hell are you wet?" he asked.

I sat there, swaying, but not really feeling anything. I didn't know what to do. And quite honestly, I would rather be depressed than confused.


	11. Revenge and Carlos' bed

I sat in the studio, singing (apparently exceptionally according to the others), but I felt nothing. I wasn't nervous or sad or happy or bored or mad or in love or in hate. I just didn't feel anything. I took notes of everything around me, but I avoided emotion. I was scared some flaw would come up in my plan and I'd go crazy. The fact that I can't take pressure hasn't helped me this week, so now I'm just avoiding any types of problems or emotion. All day I'd been avoiding Camille, who was searching for me and I'd find a way to get away just in time. Carlos was too busy doing crazy things to be bothered with me (for once), so I just relaxed, watching mindless TV and/or reading. It was as chill as I'd get.

Gustavo went to get something, so we were just sitting around in the music box thing we were trapped in temporarily. James, Carlos and Kendall started talking and I started picking at my thumb. I hummed the tune of a song I can't name.

"Wait, Logan is HUMMING? No fucking way." James said, feigning surprised. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I have the ability to HUM." I said, sticking out my tongue.

"Someone's in a good mood." Kendall commented. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm bipolar." I joked.

"Eee! You're happy again!" Carlos screamed, and once again glomped me. I couldn't help the blush that crept across my face.

"Ooooooooooooooh!" Kendall and James both squeaked at the same time. I scoffed.

"Carlos, you can get off of me now." I said to Carlos, who had someone stuck himself on my chair and had his face nuzzled in my neck.

"Or not." he responded, which tickled and made me laugh like crazy.

"I bet you $20 bucks they're gonna start macking somewhere between now and when Gustavo comes back from talking to Griffin." James declared.

"You guys are annoying." Carlos whined, still talking into my neck. I squirmed in my seat, because it was getting less tickly and more boner-worthy.

"It's amazingly true." Kendall agreed. Carlos sighed, and I squirmed again.

"You are fools." I said, fake-annoyed. Carlos laughed and I finally came to the conclusion to crossing my legs before I was exposed. James, being the ultimate player he is, raised his eyebrow at me.

"What are you doing?" he asked. I coughed while giving him a look.

"Pssh, nothing. Can't I cross my legs?" I said.

"Guys don't cross their legs." James said back. I squinted at him.

"What's going on?" Carlos asked. I was getting annoyed with his talkative ass.

"Nothing, Grah." I said, annoying. James shrugged and raised his eyebrow knowingly.

"By the way, Camille keeps texting me asking where you are. Should I, tell her?" Kendall asked.

"NO." I said. "I am so not ready to see her." I responded. Nobody asked me questions, considering the fact that I was normal and they didn't know how long that would last or what would break that.

"LALALA." Carlos randomly screamed into my neck. His tongue was flicking back and forth on my neck, and I was scared that I would jizz in my pants.

"Shut up. You're tickling me."

"Nomnomnom." he says, biting my neck. My jeans got tighter and it tickled too, so I spazzed out and started laughing, accidentally uncrossing my legs.  
"HA!" James screamed, pointing. I turned red once again.

"Pfft. That's my PHONE." I argued weakly.

"That's is SO not your phone." Carlos laughed. I tried to push him, but he was hooked onto me.

"Yes. My phone stands up when you talk into my neck." I said sharply, crossing my arms awkwardly.

"Oh really? Lemme see your phone then." Carlos said mischievously, reaching for my pants. I twisted frantically.

"STOP! My phone doesn't want to be touched." I said, my legs facing the other way, which was extremely uncomfortable.

"Obviously it does." Carlos laughed, climbing on my back and reaching over. My pants were reaching back, but I kept twisting, which didn't even make him fall. I laughed and looked at the window. Kelly and Gustavo stood there, looking annoyed, confused and amused.

"Uhm. ANYWAY. Let's uh... begin.. from the... CARLOS GET OFF OF LOGAN'S BACK GAHDDAMMNIT!" He screamed. Kelly stifled a laugh and sat down. Carlos slid off of my back and into his seat innocently. Gustavo stared at me and Carlos, looking confused and suspicious. He sighed.

"Whatever. Run the song again." he commanded.

[Page Break]

"DI-NO-SA-UR a dinosaur!" screamed, sitting on Kendall's bed. We had kicked Kendall our of the room and to the couch, especially since he had Jo over.

"Oh my god, shut UP!" I laughed. He flopped on the bed.

"THERE IS NOTHING TO DO." he whined. I picked up a book.

"Well, there is for me." I teased, reading the book. He bounded over and slapped it from my hands.

"You need to entertain me." He demanded. I scoffed.

"Who says I need to?" I asked.

"Your poor ears. Kendall and Jo are going at it on the couch." He said.

"They are not." I said, listening. They were really quiet, but I could hear the couch.

"They are not even that loud. They're like making out." I said, rolling my eyes. Carlo shrugged.

"Within two minutes they'll be (he humps the air)." I laughed. I was feeling super happy and normal this whole day. I wasn't even worrying about the "It's too good to be true" factor. It was the best day of this week. I threw my arms around Carlos.

"I luh you." I sighed happily.

"You're high." he replied. I pushed back and shoved him.

"And I thought the feelings were mutual." I said sadly. He laughed.

"You know I love you child." he smiled. He leaned forward and was about 3 millimeters from my face when there was an extremely loud crashing sound. Carlos licked his top teeth angrily and sat back.

"They just slammed the bedroom door open." I chuckled and listen in the door. There was a much of labored breathing and I'm pretty sure I heard someone's pants rip.

"Ooops." Kendall said. They both started laughing but quickly after started going at it growled and dug in his pockets for his iPod.

"AAH I LEFT IT IN MY ROOM!" he cried. I started laughing harder.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" he said, kinda laughing himself.

"Sorry! Here, use Kendall's. I have my own." I said, throwing his Kendall's and taking mine from the drawer. We both listened to music for approximately 10 minutes (considering I listened to like, 4 songs) before Kendall and Jo became unbearable.

"Ok, that's a problem." I giggled, looking at the wall, which was moving.

"Wait... WAIT. THAT'S MY SIDE OF THE ROOM. THAT'S MY FREAKING SIDE OF THE ROOM! THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON MY BED!" Carlos screamed. Kendall and Jo did not slow their pace. Anger clouded Carlos' angelic face.

"You know what? That's it. They do this on purpose!" He growled. He stared at me and bounded over.

"They want loud? Shit, I'll SHOW them loud!" he said, still pissed, and tugged the bottom of my pants. They completely came off, belt and all. I was scared.

"Wait, holy crap, what are you DOING?" I screamed. He discarded the pants to the corner of the room and proceeded to swipe my underwear. I started spazzing out, violently, and threw myself under the covers.

"OHMYGOD. BACK UP!" I screamed even louder.

"I AM SO DAMN TIRED OF THEM. LET THEM GET A TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE!" he yelled, ripping the covers from me as well. I sat up, ready to protest, when he sat right in front of me, grabbed my (muahahah), and went to work. I literately choked on my spit.

"AH! STOP! NOW!" I screamed, squirming around. However, when Carlos Garcia is determined, he's determined.

"Pssh, never." he replied. He really didn't know what he was doing, his pattern was fucked up and his hands were everywhere, but I'd be a cold blooded liar if I said I wasn't enjoying it.

"Carlos, this is amazingly impulsive of you." I complained, still squirming.

"STOP MOVING GODDAMMIT!" he screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I squeaked, which could have also doubled as a moan.

"Whatever. THIS IS NOT WORKING!" he screamed, suddenly going at 600 mph. I tried to say something but I was sputtering, so I just gave up and looked at the ceiling.

"Jesus fucking christ." I gasp, relatively loud. My eyes crossed involuntarily for one second. My breathing was labored and Carlos kept going faster as the seconds went by.

"Sh- shi- Car..." My body would not let the words get out. I was spazzing out completely and it wasn't helping that Carlos was getting even faster. At this point I was basically screaming. Blackness was creeping in the corners of my eyes. And of course, Carlos continued to get faster.

'Ahh! Gah! Oh my god! Nggh! SHIT! CARLOS!" I was no longer sputtering. In fact I was being very clear and even louder and five minutes have had to pass by this point. I squeezed my eyes shut and threw my head back because it's not like I could even see anymore. All sounds including mine were drowned out, so I knew I was yelling something, however I'm not sure what. I just remember sound floating back in and I'm sitting on the bed and blinking. Carlos had his eyes closed calmly and his hands suspended in the air.

"Is there are specific reason why you're doing that?" I whispered. He opened his eyes.

"I'm going to wash my hands." he got up and walked into the bathroom. I put on my clothes and blushed furiously at the floor. Jo and Kendall were silent in the other room. This is as embarrassing as it gets. Carlos walked from the bathroom, looking dazed.

"I hate you." I said as he sat next to me. His hands were still suspended in the air.

"I'm the one with your JIZZ on my HAND." I covered my ears.

"SHUT UP!" I laughed.

"Pssh. It's not my fault they need competition." he scoffed.

"YOU LIKE RAPED ME!" I yelled. He laughed and threw Kendall's pillow at me. When it fell off my face Kendall was standing the doorway.

"You guys suck." he complained.

"THAT WAS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF HOW LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS YOU CAN BE!" Carlos screamed.

"Logan is MORE than obnoxious. And you're so red, oh my god!" Kendall laughed.

"I know right? I thought my earS were going to implode." Carlos replied.

"THIS CONVERSATION NEEDS TO STOP!" I said incredulously.

"Pssh, those were sounds of pure passion right there." Kendall argued.

"AHH! DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR WHAT I SAID?"

"You belong in a porno." Carlos suggested. I got off my bed and headed for the door.

"I hate you both!" I screamed, slamming the door. I could hear them dying of laughter in my room. Irritated and embarrassed and still high from orgasm, I plopped on the couch. Of course, as soon as my butt hit the cushions, the doorbell rang. I stomped over and threw the door open.

"YES?" I asked curtly. I wanted to close the door after I realized who it was.


	12. Tests just don't understand

"LOOOOGAN!" Camille screamed, jumping on me. I laughed nervously.

"Oh! Ok then!" I mumbled into her arm. She fell off of me and pushed some hair behind her ear.

"God, I've been looking for you for like a million years." she said, sticking her tongue out. She let out an excited breath.

"Well? Are you not going to ask my how my trip was?" she asked, plopping on the couch. I followed suit.

"How was your trip?"

"God, it sucked!" she said, suddenly annoyed. "There was nothing to do and my grandparents don't talk that much! I met this ONE girl, she was my age but she was so future-lawyer type. It annoyed me." she complained. I laughed.

"You could have stayed!" I exclaimed. She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. An electrical current went through me, which was confusing, because wasn't I supposed to be in love with Carlos?

"You would have loved that wouldn't you?" she teased.

"Pssh, no. You're annoying as hell." she laughed lightly.

"I love you too." she whispered and leaned, since she is that type of girlfriend. She smelled like strawberries and shampoo and the country and body soap and pizza. Her hair was shiny and soft, as was her skin. My heart was literately about to beat out of my chest.

People ask me how I could love Camille, who is completely insane and bipolar. I say I don't know. You just have to feel it. Love and Logic have no business being together.

She pulled back and looked at my face.

"You're so hot and red. Do you have a fever?" she asked concerned.

"Pssh, no, I-" I caught myself before I could say anything. Then the guilt manifested itself in my brain. I felt so bad for cheating on her, most recently 3 minutes ago. I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying. I sincerely loved the girl in front of me, and it confused me and saddened me.

"I've been doing a lot of strenuous things today." I said before she could get suspicious. She smiled again, then seemed to process something through her mind. She froze and her smile seemed to fall apart. I scrunched up my eyebrows.

"What?" she let her arms fall and wrung her hands together. She opened her mouth to talk, and of course, Jo had to come flying out of the room.

"CAMILLE! I KNEW I HEARD YOU!" she shrieked, leaping on Camille. They continued communicating in squeals, so I went back into my room. Kendall and Carlos were fighting over Kendall's iPod, so I just sat on the on the bed and observed them. Thye stopped in the middle of shoving each other to look at me, confused.

"Hey, you kay?" Kendall asked first.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked.

"You look majorly conflicted." Carlos said, dropping his arms.

"Camille's out there with Jo." I said, throwing my arms irritatingly at the door. Kendall shrugged and walked out. Carlos just lingered around the room.

"Sssh. I didn't do it yet. Just to answer your question." I sighed. He nodded and grabbed the ends of his sleeves, which he always does if he's stressed. Before I could say anything, he left too. I slammed into my bed. Life was way too confusing at the moment. I was tempted to just curl back in my dreaded cocoon but decided against it, for once. Just thinking about dumping either Carlos or Camille made me feel like jumping off the Golden Gate, and it wasn't right, it's not supposed to happen, and for the first time ever, I couldn't figure this out. It didn't process through my brain. I couldn't calculate it, simplify it. I had no idea what to do. As I lay on the pillow and started to drift off, Camille burst through the door loudly.

"Logan." she said, flopping on my stomach.

"Oof. What?" I asked.

"Wassup?"

"The sky." The rolled off my me and onto the floor loudly.

"I'm so scared right now."

"Why?" She looked at the ceiling, then back at me. She squeezed her eyes shut, pursed her lips and shook. I leaned over and stared at her.

"Camille." She starting turn pink. I fell of my bed as fast as possible and hugged her.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly. She opened her eyes wide, which instantly spilled a bunch of tears, and gasped.

"How would we live? Our lives would be ruined!" she yelped into my chest. I rubbed her back and shushed her. She continued sobbing in my chest nevertheless. I was getting increasingly more nervous as the seconds passed.

"Camille, just tell me what's going on?" she sniffed and looked at me. Makeup was all over her face, and I'm assuming my shirt. Her eyes held such fear and desperation, I hardly knew the girl I was looking at. What happened to confident, funny, good intentioned, a bit insane Camille? She was lost, gone. She was raw.

"I'm probably overreacting, as always." she laughed nervously. She looked at her hands.

"Just tell me." she sighed.

"I'm like... a week late." she finally blurted.

"For... what?" I said, utterly confused. She rolled her eyes and actually laughed this time.

"You know, like time o' the month type thing." she giggled. I blushed.

"Oh. Pssh. I knew that. Anyway w-" I was completely calm until I put the pieces together. At first, I kind of lost all connection to my body. Like, I swear for a second my whole nervous system and everything shut down. Then it came back on and it felt like I just had gotten electrocuted. We had only done it like, five times, and I never told anyone and 4 out of those five times I wore a condom so I seriously doubted this happening, but I couldn't help but worry.

"Wait, I, when, but... I... are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, becase my period just comes without me knowing." she snapped. I let go of Camille.

"Uhm... uhm... what.. WHAT SHOULD WE DO?" She started crying again.

"I don't _KNOW_." she whined. I got up and started freaking out. I picked up random things, but none of it would help me in any situation.

"OHMYGOD STOP YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS!" she screamed. "Pregnancy test. What we need a pregnancy test."

"There are no _STORES _with pregnancy tests here!" I yelled back.

"Call Kelly, get her car, go to the pharmacy." she suggested. I snapped my fingers and fumbled for my phone. When I picked it up, I dropped it again at least three times.

"LOGAN!"

"I'M TRYING!" I yelled, clumsily speed-dialing Kelly. It rang for like 8 seconds, but it seemed like nine months to me.

"Hello?"

"KELLY! Can I borrow your car?" I asked frantically.

"Uh, why? It's like, 8."

"I know, I just **REALLY **need your car."

"But-"

"KELLY CAN I PLEASE BORROW YOUR CAR?" I screamed.

"OK! I'LL BE THERE!" Before I she hung up, I could hear her mumble, "Fucking _teenagers_, man.." I threw the phone onto the bed and started walking around aimlessly.

"Uhm, uhm, what should we do now?" I asked. Camille was violently biting her nail.

"I don't know! I **TOLD **you to wear a condom that time!"

"I COULDN'T FIND ONE!"

"THEN WHY DID WE DO IT?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" I wrung my hands nervously and paced around the room the whole ten minutes it took Kelly to come. I was so out of it, I don't even remember walking down to get the car. All I know is that I ended up standing in front of Kelly with a scared Camille by my side.

"LOGAN!" I shook my head and broke out of my daze.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Why do you need the damn car?" she asked frantically. I shook my head.

"Can I just take it?"

"But-"

"Please Kelly." I asked desperately, opening my eyes a little wider than necessary. She cut her eyes and threw the keys at me.

"You're telling me when I get back. What's your apartment number again?" she asked. I told her and jumped into the car as quickly as possible. Camille dragged herself into the passenger seat. I started the car and starting driving. Building by building passed, but they could have been sea monsters for all I cared. I just wanted to get to the pharmacy and get this over with. I wanted to get out of the car and throw up, but that would reduce time, so I just drove.

"Take this right." she said, pointing. I turned around and parked in front of a pharmacy. Camille literately jumped out of the car and into the pharmacy. I stayed back, my hands on the wheel. I stared at the steering wheel, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and flung myself from the car and into the pharmacy.

It was blindingly white, and the only color were these peeling pale pink chairs, which were nailed to both the wall and the floor. I sat in one and watched Camille nervously talk to the cashier and point at a yellow box.

"Why, you can't be a day over sixteen, darlin'! What you need with this?" she asked in a country accent. Camille slammed her hand against the glass, making the lady jump.

"Can just get the damn thing?" she asked, irritated. The lady slammed the test in front of her and hissed the amount she needed to pay. Camille payed and stumbled into the pharmacy bathroom. I drummed my lap.

"It's a shame." the lady mumbled. I sighed.

"I know." I said back. She turned towards me.

"I mean both of y'all look like y'all just came from an abstinence meeting. Your cheeks are still so pink and kid-like and all!" she declared, pinching my cheeks. I did nothing.

"And if you don't look scared out of your little mind. I swear, y'all get younger and younger the more I work here..." she drifted off. I drummed my hand against the chair. Camille came out, shaking the test. I cringed.

"Dude, that how your pee on it. Stop flopping it around." I laughed despite the seriousness of this situation. She attempted to suppress a laugh as she placed the test on on the counter next to me and sat.

"You are such a child." she said, laughing. I shouldered her. She kicked my shin.

"AHH! The hell?"

"Stop shouldering me!" she laughed.

"Abusive relationship." I mumbled, rubbing my shin. She started laughing harder.

"Shut up!" she finally said. I shouldered her and moved my legs before she could kick it again.

"Ha." I stuck out my tongue. She waved me off, glanced at the test and grabbed a magazine from the shelf. I looked at the bowl of mints. Today was the first day I ate anything for a week, but that was breakfast. However, I was too jumpy at the moment to even attempt holding something like a mint. So I jumped tapped my foot rapidly against the linoleum.

Time passed, and the accursed item beeped. Camille was too busy learning how to get rid of pimples to worry about our potential child. So I grabbed the item. It had scrolling words and the results had just disappeared. The lady looked over my me, but I didn't mind.

_Re..._  
_Result..._  
_Results..._  
_Y.._  
_You..._  
_You ar.._  
_You are..._

My stomach flipped my crazy, and I was afraid I was about to hurl. I looked away and waited for the whole thing to come.

_You are pregnant :) Congrats_

I squinted at the test, but it said the same thing. I looked up at the lady, who had lost some color as she read the results.

"Well, this is a biased test." I said as-a-matter-of-factly and promptly threw up all over the floor.


	13. This is why you don't fall in love

Yeah, so since I love you guys so much, I packed in a little treaty treat. Carlos' POV! :D

Oh yah, and I did the spanish myself! :D if you don't know what it means, JFGI!

(Just fucking google it)

* * *

I wobbled into the apartment at 10. Camille had bought, like, a million dollars worth of tests and all of them kept saying:

_You are pregnant_  
_Yes_  
_Positive_  
_You're pregnant_

_Here comes the stork!_

Each and every time. I watched, each time my hope being crushed more an more. The lady behind the counter refused to give her anything else, but by then my spirit was gone and the rest of the contents of my stomach. Camille had to be coaxed into the car. She told me to stop the car when we got back to the Palmwoods so she could put in her contacts (because her eyes were disgustingly red) and put on makeup. It took an excruciatingly long time. She finally finished, and I walked her up to her apartment.

_"Will you be there?" the girl said, turning to face her boyfriend. The boy, completely torn apart and tottaly out of it, just stared at her._

_"Logan? You're gonna be there for me, right?" she asked, on the verge of crying. The boy let a few more tears flow out as his girlfriend clutched onto him._

_"Of course, Milly." he said unsteadily. She looked up into his watery eyes._

_"We're in this together, right?" she asked again. He distantly nodded. She kissed him and proceeded into the apartment._

I unlocked the door to James and Kendall watching TV and Carlos wasn't even in the apartment. Kelly sat on the edge of the couch, actually interested in the dancing sponge before her. I tried to close the door silently, but Kelly turned around. She leaped up and ran over to me.

"THERE YOU ARE." she demanded. I kind of looked through her.. She couldn't really see me in the dark apartment.

"Mmm." I mumbled, trying to get past her. She kept blocking me.

"So? Where did you go?" she asked. I sighed.

"Places. Kelly, I just really want to go to sleep." I said. I could feel her staring at me, but I just stood.

"I don't know what's going on Logan." she sighed and slid past me out of the door. Nobody else seemed to care where I was, so I just slunk into my room. As soon as I opened the door, Carlos jumped out of nowhere, screaming BOO! I was too rattled to be scared, so I just stared at him.

"Damn. You're fearless." he admitted, flopping on my bed. I motioned for him to get up, but he didn't.

"Get up. I'm tired."

"Are you cereal? It's like 10." Carlos complained. I sighed.

"...up." I said with as much fierceness as I could muster, which wasn't a lot. Carlos blew air our of his cheeks, obviously annoyed and slammed up from the bed.

"What's your problem?" I asked. He obnoxiously stared at me from under his eyelids.

"Nothing." he said mockingly and left the room (not before bumping me violently). I was too tired and disembodied to care, so I peeled off my clothes, put on pajamas, and fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed.

**Carlos' POV**

I stomped from the door as loudly as I could. By the time I reached the couch, Logan was asleep. I could tell because he was too tired to close the door. I would probably be really worried about this, but I felt like ripping someone open. I took deep breaths on the couch, but that only got me more pissed so I got up and walked around. All I could think about was stupid Logan and his stupid inability to be the best thing ever. It made. me. so. fucking. MAD! I knew in the pit of my stomach that he was going to leave me for Camille, for the right relationship, with a female (you know, the SOCIAL NORM for fuck's sake), not me. I always knew that, from the first time we actually kissed. I just never thought about it until we were eating in the middle of the night the other day. I wanted to destroy everything in the room, but Kendall and James were sitting right on the couch, obviously not watching me peel apart slowly.

_The boy watched his mother stand at the door, her summer dress fluttering in the sweet autumn air. It was pink with yellow stripes. It was very faded, but it screamed Esperanza. It was her favorite dress. She used to say she wore it when she finally accomplished something. But was leaving an accomplishment? The air behind her whipped her think black hair, and her bangs flew all over the place. She still never failed to look like a goddess. Her skin was like coffee saturated with milk. Her lips curved in a perfect M. The 6 year old boy always pinched his mother's perfect, naturally pink cheeks. She had a peaceful look on her face as she watched her tearful husband give her a last suitcase._

_"Esperanza..." he started, and she raised a hand. The ring was gone._

_"Te amo tu y Carlos. Tú lo sabes. Pero tú sabes que yo siempre he sido un espíritu libre. Yo no se hace en el presente ... este ... de la familia. Sé que suena duro, pero así es como es." she said softly. Her voice was soft, melodic, and even though the boy hated what she had just said, he was compelled towards her. Her came from his dark corner and hugged her legs._

_"Mamá ... no te vayas. Por favor." he said, his voice wobbling with tears. The woman bent down and stroked her chubby son's cheeks. Her eyes were sad, but she smiled for her son._

_"Te amo, bebé." She whispered. His angel, the one who always tucked him, read his stories, kissed his cheeks, fed him, threw him in the air, hugged him, made him feel special was gone. She strolled from the door and jumped in the red car in the driveway._

_"Hasta Luego!" she screamed. That was like last time he ever saw her. She was gone in a cloud of dust, the rumbling of her sister's car and that pink dress, fluttering behind the car. _

_Esperanza Garcia had accomplished something._

My chest started tightening up and I needed to leave that apartment. The smell of mints, cinnamon and tea with honey filled the room. The smell of mom. I placed my hands on the counter and took a deep breath. If Logan left out of here, I don't know what I'd do. If I still couldn't let go of shit that happened 10 years ago, how could I let go of this? My mind was a jumble and I couldn't think straight. I wanted to march up to Camille and tell her, or make her "disappear", or hypnotize Logan, but none of that would solve anything. I wondered if this was how Logan felt about crap like this, but then again he was just a whole different story. Nobody knows what's going on, it's like sometimes he's possessed by something. Like in those scary movies, when the peoples eyes sink in and they get all disgusting and skinny and they stare at a wall, and then all of a sudden they turn around and attack you. Watching Logan slowly go into a catatonic state while in the bathtub was amazingly horrifying, it looked like he was dead, but blinking. Sometimes he's randomly burst into tears and then be all happy and not anorexic, and then other times he'd just stop working. It's not something relatively normal 16 year old kids should go through.

I finally decided to leave the apartment, so I grabbed keys and walked out. James and Kendall were too transfixed on whatever the hell they were watching to notice. I basically was walking up and down the hallway, stopping a few times to get ice with my hands. I slammed into someone's door while dancing though, so I ended up going into the lobby. Bitters wasn't there, so I just relaxed on the couch. I wasn't really thinking about anything, I was very calm. I was blissfully thinking about the fun I could have with a 20 foot long swirly slide when the she-devil walks in.

"Carlos?" she says weakly, matching her looks. I look up.

"Camille." I said without life. She plops herself next to me, and I was utterly surprised that I didn't burn. I stared at her evilly out of the corner of my eye, but she was looking ahead, looking very distressed and un-Camille. The real Camille that she hides under all the craziness she puts out here. I was transfixed.

"Hey, what happened?" I asked against my own will. She sniff and shook her head.

"Nothing significant." she muttered, and snorted at her own sarcasm. I gave her my "Carlos may be dumb, but he's not stupid look." She stared straight into my soul with those bottomless eyes.

"Carlos..." she started, but I stopped her.

"Tell." I commanded. She grinned despite her obvious shaken demeanor. The real Camille smile was much more dazzling. I really could not stop staring into her eyes.

"It's... nothing... you'll find out from Logan later, anyway." she mumbled and continued looking at the pool outside.

"If I'm going to find out from anyway, why can't you tell me now?" I asked. She sighed and looked at me again.

"What makes you so special?" she asked. I shrugged.

"I'm Carlos. You can trust me!" I said cheerily. She shook her head happily.

"Ahh. You're a breath of fresh air."

"TELL ME."

"OK. But, can you, not tell anyone? Not even yourself." she said, looking desperate. I nodded, hypnotized.

"Okay." she started. Her eyes darted back and forth and she leaned forward. She smelled like pharmacy, but why would Camille and Logan go to a pharmacy? And why would Kelly let Logan drive in his unpredictable and scary state? I was thinking so much I almost missed what she said. Almost.

"What? REALLY? NO WAY! Wait, who's is it?" I asked. Camille raised an eyebrow.

"Jesus'" she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes. I scrunched up my face, but then released it into a horrified expression. My stomach was turning violently. I backed up into a table.

"Wait, no, seriously?" I screamed. She jumped up and shushed me.

"YES! Ok?" she whispered violently. I held my hand to my mouth. A bunch of things were running through my head, and they weren't good thoughts. Without saying anything, I stumbled to the elevator. Camille was saying things, but it was like I was underwater, and I just walked into the elevator without saying anything. I don't know why I got on the elevator when we live on the second floor. I just got on. I gripped the bar behind me until my knuckles turned white. Camille stood at the door, looking confused and saying something. The doors closed and she shrugged and she walked away. The elevator shot up to 2, and I stumbled out. I leaned against a wall and took a few breaths before I puked everywhere.

Shit. Shit shit fucking shit! My mind swam. Logan wasn't going to leave Camille know that she was bearing his child. And after all the anti-abortion speeches she gave in the lobby, there is no way they're getting rid of the motherfucker. I had no chance. My life was ending right before my eyes. I knew he was avoiding me a while ago. I got too pissed then. It's not his fault, I guess. I wiped my eyes, stuffed my hands in my hoodie, and put on a poker face.

"I really do curse too much." I said to myself as I walked towards the apartment, hoping I wasn't staggering too much. I opened the unlocked door, and realized James and Kendall weren't sitting there anymore. There was no sign of life in the apartment besides Logan breathing loudly in the back. I plopped myself into a chair and bit my lip in order not to burst into tears.

A few minutes later, as soon as I held back my random outbursts of tears, James and Kendall jumped from somewhere in the kitchen into my face, screaming. I was so terrified I started shrieking and crying at the same time.

"Oh shit, wait, we didn't mean to scare you that much." James said, holding back a laugh. Kendall was already on the floor. I was really pissed then, because I was losing my whatever Logan was to me, I was crying in front of people, my helmet seemed to be missing, and they had scared me half to death. In fact, I was pretty damn infuriated at the moment. I couldn't really choke down this, so I just stood up and did the most un-Carlos thing I could do.

As soon as my fist connected to James' nose with a sickening crunch, he stumbled back like 5 feet before actually falling. An unnatural amount of blood was flowing from his face, but I felt no remorse. James was just staring at me, his jaw literately on the floor and blood running onto his shirt.

"WHAT THE HELL?" James screamed, touching his nose, which was now quite large and purple-ish.

"YOU BROKE MY NOSE!" he yelled even louder. His yelling was getting me even more pissed, so I tried to punch him in the nose again. He moved, so I hit air.

"CARLOS!" he yelled, trying to get up. Kendall was grabbing for me, but I kept moving. All this time, I wasn't saying anything. I elbowed Kendall who was behind me, and once I heard him fall, I charged full speed into James. We both flew into the counter behind him, except his spine was the one that smashed into the edge. I stood up and got a good four kicks in the ribs before Kendall turned me around.

"Carlos. Calm." he tried to say soothingly (he was still holding the place I elbowed him in), but I just punched him as hard, but in the eye. I kicked the side of his head like a soccer ball twice and proceeded to punch him in the jaw repeatedly. Suddenly, someone grabbed me violently by the back of my shirt, but instead of falling I swirled around and bumped in Logan. He stared at both guys, who were curled up on the floor (Kendall was actually unconscious, but I didn't care in the least).

"Wha... what... WHY?" he asked incredulously.

"FUCK YOU LOGAN! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" I screamed, my voice MUCH deeper than usual. I shoved him back, but he didn't fall (due to the fact that he was clinging to a side table for dear life).

"HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?" he said, competing with me. Rage was bubbling inside of me and I seriously had the urge to just go outside and scream at the top of my lungs at random people. I swung at his face, but he moved just in time. I kicked him in the shin and while he was vulnerable I punched him the cheek.

And just as fast as I changed to my alter ego, I went back.

"Oh shit." I mumbled before picking up Logan before he fell. He stood up furiously and kneed me in the stomach.

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" he said as-a-matter-of-factly. I put my hands up in my crouched position.

"Wait." I gasped and leaned on the counter to catch the wind that was knocked out of me. I finally caught my breath, and looked up at Logan who was looking at me like a mad baby with one big puffy cheek.

"Are you PMSing or something? What the hell?" he cried. I looked at James, who was still curled up and apparently shaking with sobs, and at Kendall who was just laying there.

"I.. oh shit... I didn't mean to..." I put my hand up to my mouth.

"Oh. well. IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT!" Logan said, sounding kinda slurred.

"Shit Carlos. You got me pretty good." he said, half laughing.

"Uh... what should I do?" I said. I poked James but he just curled up tighter. I pointed at him.

"I don't think he likes me that much anymore." I said softly. Logan sauntered over and poked at James.

"Come on. We have to look at those... what Carlos inflicted upon you." he said squinting at me. James said nothing. Logan waved me away, and I sulked to my room. I heard James get up, his sobbing more defined now. I wanted to run out and hug him and apologize, but he'd probably think I was trying to attacked and him and have a heart attack. So I just sit on my bed like a punished child. I felt really bad for wildly attacking them. Wasn't I the one always promoting peace? After a while of self-pitying, Logan cracked the door open.

"James is on the couch, and ice isn't working, and his ribs and tailbone are so bruised, it's like a medical breakthrough. And Kendall refuses to wake up, so we're going to have to call la ambulance." he says the last part in an french accent. He sounded very slurred now, but I could understand what he was saying. He was quite calm in a situation like this.

"Waaaaaait. I'm going to be sent to like, Juvy if they find out I vitally injured you guys!" I said worriedly. Logan scowled at me and walked over to stand in front of me.

"You're so selfish." he said before punching me in the eye and the nose. It didn't break, but it did start bleeding.

"There! Now they'll think we're just crazy teenaged boys, and that you're not a crazed maniac" he said cheerily, and then skipped off. I held my nose before it bled all over my sheets.

And this is why you don't fall in love, kiddos. You'll end up knocking your best friend unconscious.


	14. Love around death

Needless to say, the ride to the hospital was every bit of awkward. James was sniffling and clutching his side. He had a permanent wince on his face and whenever the truck would jump he would sob for three seconds. Kendall was sloppily strewn across his stretcher. Carlos was sitting there, pouting slightly and looking quite guilty. I didn't believe such an innocent looking boy could inflict such pain upon us. I couldn't stop touching the inside of my cheek with my tongue. Eventually, we made our way into a small room that we could hardly fit in, waiting for a doctor. It was eerily silent, and all I could think about was where Kendall was and when a doctor would come and the possibility that Ms. Knight would have to come back. The tension could have been cut with a knife, but of course, Carlos started humming .

"NO. NO YOU MAY NOT HUM!" James shrieked, finally talking to Carlos. "YOU FRACTURED EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BROKEN IN MY BODY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? THAT'S NOT OK! NO! IT'S NOT!" he yelled even louder. Carlos put his hands up in protest, but James squealed and curled himself into a ball on the chair.

"Please don't hurt me..." he whispered. Carlos' eyes widened and he shook his head as if James could see him.

"Oh, wait, no, I didn't mean..." he trailed off and just stopped talking.

"James, you can sit back up." I said. He sniffed.

"My ribs hurt so much." he said, his voice wobbling. It was pretty silent for a while before James poked his head up from his knees.

"REALLY THOUGH? WHY? JUST TELL US? WHY?" he screamed again. I stared at him. I think when Carlos kicked his ass he knocked some screws loose. Carlos seemed to tense up.

"You... scared me." he said blandly.

"BULLSHIT!" he shrieked, then winced. Carlos slowly blew air air from his cheeks, his eyes half open from annoyance.

"I'll break the other side of your ribcage if you don't shut the hell up." he finally said. I turned my head, disbelieving what he had just said.

"HEY! That was fucked up!" I yelled. James shut up and put his head back in his knees. Carlos tilted his face towards my way, but he was only looking at me with one, scary looking eye. He opened his mouth to say something, but a girl who couldn't be any older than us burst in.

"Ah, sorry, I was, doing a lot of things. You know, being an intern is harder than one might think. Ha. So, Hi, I'm Aubrey. The doctor sent me in here to like, diagnose, for further understanding of my studies. Sorry I sound like such a geek right now..." she said, doing a bunch of things around the room at once. I could TOTTALY diagnose all of us in the time she had to talk, but I said nothing. Finally she turned around and faced us.

"Ok, for a formal greeting! I'm Aubrey, an intern here, and..." she finally got a good look at us and her eyes widened as much as her sleepiness would let her.

"Whoa. You guys... you guys are Big Time Rush." she said unsteadily. We all gave her our fan smile, as we were trained to do.

"OH MY GOD!" she screamed and started jumping around. We all just looked at her with our eyebrows raised. She finally calmed herself and stood staring at us and hyperventilating.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. Huge fan. ANYWAY let's get on with this." she said, snapping on her gloves.

**[Page Break]**

Eventually, she finished examining us. It was prolonged because of her tendency to start touching our faces and James' abs. She left and came back with a doctor. He examined the clipboard he held and talking quietly with the fan girl. He cleared his throat and turned to his with his doctorly authority.

"Hello boys." he said, his smile obviously part of his job.

"So, we have a bunch of diagnoses here..." he said, flipping through his papers. The intern just stared at his dreamily. I scooted backwards.

"Ok, so you two... uhm..." he said, pointing at me and Carlos. The intern scoffed.

"Carlos and Logan. Get with it." she said. The doctor nodded.

"Yes, Carlos and Logan. You're pretty much ok except for a bit of swelling and obviously bleeding. The other one here, however, you're nose and 4 of your ribs are fractured." he said, shaking his head. I saw Carlos squint at him.

"Your other dude has a concussion, it's not fatal but it ain't a walk in the field either. His jaw is fractured." he said, closing the papers and leaning against a table.

"So, you're gonna have to call one of your parents to like sign a bunch of stuff, because we can't operate without a parent or guardian." he said. We all looked at each at the same time, worried. We didn't want Ms. Knight feeling all guilty and pissed when she got home. But we really had no choice unless we wanted James to get infected and Kendall to live life with a broken jaw. I sighed and whipped out my phone.

**[Page Break]**

"Thank you. SOOOOOOOOOOO much." Katie said as soon as she entered the waiting room. James and Kendall were in their own little rooms. "Oh my god, Minnesota is soooo boring. There is nothing to DO there." she complained. Carlos patted her on the back.

"I'm glad you're happy that we're all injured." he said cheerily. I snorted.

"What the hell happened to you guys anyway?" she asked. I would scold her, but it was like 1 in the morning and everybody was deathly tired. I yawned.

"Carlos." I said without thinking. He threw his hands up at me. I shrugged.

"What about Carlos?" she asked, slamming her suitcase to the floor.

"NOTHING." he yelled. She squinted at him but lost interest and sat down. I laid my head in my hands. Katie fell asleep within minutes, but I couldn't. There was so much floating around my mind I couldn't possibly go to sleep, nor did I want to.

"You TOTALLY wanted to rat me out just then." Carlos suddenly said. I rubbed my face.

"Yes. Because I hate you." I said sarcastically, peeling dried blood from the side of my face.

"You totally do." he retorted. I squeezed my nose.

"No, I don't. It's just... I don't know." I said, not really wanting to get into the situation that was unfolding.

"Yah, you do. I do too." he responded.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. He crossed his arms and said nothing. I kicked him underneath the chair.

"Nothing." he hissed. My panic was growing, so I kicked him harder. He practically fell out of the chair.

"I know about Camille." he said calmly. All the anticipation that was building up over my head came crashing down. How would he know? What is this? When did my life become so mysterious and fucked up?

"What, how, WHAT?" I asked. He scratched his upper lip.

"Yeah." he said simply, staring into space. I shook him and he turned to me.

"How?" I asked.

"Camille." he responded without looking at me. I grabbed his cheeks and made him face me. His eyes looked at a poster behind me. I shook his face and he finally looked at me. I wish he didn't. They were blank and lifeless, but at the same time tortured and broken. I just found myself swimming in his eyes for a while, not really saying anything. They held pain and love that I couldn't comprehend, something I didn't think Carlos even knew about. It was like we had just read each other and exchanged each other's life story without saying a word.

"I... are... is this over?" he asked, dropping his eyes. An electrical current would through me and the stress of these last few days were on my shoulders.

"I... I don't know!" I whined, dropping me hand. He grabbed the ends of his sweater.

"Well, I think you should, because you don't want to be dead beat or anything." he muttered. I opened my mouth my nothing came out. He was a little too close to tears for my tastes and his hands disappeared from sight. I did something very impulsive after this. I took his cheeks again, put him forward and just kissed him, right in the waiting room. Nobody seemed to care, except Carlos, who was wincing in pain from his swollen nose and my nose colliding.

It was very simple and sweet and sent more electric charges through my body. We were just basically slightly leaning over the arm rests of our chairs, nothing more. It was probably the most normal, romantic kiss we had shared. We weren't making out, it was a simple prolonged brush of the lips. My eyes, were closed, and his face smelled like blood. It was magical.

I don't know how long we were there but eventually we ended up just looking at each other again.

"I love you." Carlos said quietly, apologetically.

We kissed again.


	15. Damn, Y'all Tired

**Katie's POV**

I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. I wanted to hear what they were talking about. I always do that, they think, "Aww, she's so cute, she'll be out for a while, let's do shit we'd never tell her."

Please. I'm smarter than that. I know that Mom is kinda sorta seeing Hawk's brother, Eagle. I know that James is playing so many girls I'm surprised his ribcage isn't broken already. I know Jo and Kendall's schedule (and to think, Mom thinks he's still innocent). I know the Jennifers are secretly in LOVE with Carlos, but don't want to lose their rep. I know drummer dude is in love with Stephanie, but she's more a of a hit it and quit it girl. I know Carlos came close to sleeping with Stephanie (I was "sleeping" on James' bed) but freaked out because, well, he's a prude. I know Logan was the one that flushed James' hair gel down the toilet. He also jizzed all over Kendall's shirt and claimed it was yogurt.

Right now, I felt like spying on these two, because I felt something. I don't know what, but it was string and not entirely bad, but not good either. I also wanted to know why Carlos' nose was purple and so was Logan's cheek. They said nothing for a while, and just as I was about to doze off, Carlos spoke.

"You TOTALLY wanted to rat me out just then." he said. I listened even closer.

"Yes. Because I hate you." Logan said sarcastically.

"You totally do." Carlos whined. This was really boring.

"No, I don't. It's just... I don't know." Logan said in a way meant much more than it sounded. I did the forbidden, because the thing that I sensed between them was much more powerful now. It was super tense in the room. I opened one of my eyes just enough to see them.

"Yah, you do. I do too." Carlos said quietly.

"What are you talking about?" Logan asked frantically. This situation was getting real interesting, real fast. Carlos didn't say anything, and I saw his chair jump a little.

"Nothing." he hissed. Logan kicked him like a soccer player and Carlos almost fell.

"I know about Camille." he finally said, staring into space. What about Camille? Why did he look so empty? CARLOS IS NOT EMPTY!

"What, how, WHAT?" Logan said urgently.

"Yeah." was all Carlos said. Logan shook him and Carlos reluctantly turned to him.

"How?" he asked frantically. Carlos' back was to me.

"Camille." Carlos responded, looking at the floor next to him. Logan grabbed his face and turned him to face him. I could see Logan's right eye, and I could see that Carlos was trying to get Carlos' attention. I could tell when he finally did. It was like 6 million volts of electricity had gone through the space between them. It was like Logan had melted into Carlos and they both became one person. I saw things in Logan's eyes I don't think he meant to let off. It was too much, their connection was too strong, it filled the room with a suffocating tension.

"I... are...is this over?" Carlos finally asked, and I could tell he looked away again. I think I knew what was up, but I refused to let myself believe it.

"I.. I don't know!" Logan complained, dropping his hand. Carlos grabbed the end of his sweaters, a telltale sign of stress on his part.

"Well, I think you should, because you don't want to be dead beat or anything." he muttered, obviously unsure. His pulled his hands INTO his sleeves, something I've never seen. He looked like he wanted to cry, but not really. He sat like that for a while until Logan grabbed his face again and

KISSED HIM?

My whole body froze, my heart stopped, I couldn't process any thoughts but HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I closed my eyes again but the electrical volts were only intensified like, 10 fold. I couldn't believe long had they been going out? What's the deal with this? Why are they such tortured lovers? What's the deal with Camille? REALLY? CARLOS AND LOGAN? I mean, they always hang out, but in a brother type of way, not NOMNOMNOM type of way. When did the little boys I always knew turn into this? It was the most surprising that that I ever encountered while spying and I felt bad. I felt like I was intruding on something sacred, something I shouldn't have known.

"I love you." Carlos whispered. A wave of gut-wrenching guilt washed over me. I forced myself to go to sleep then.

**[Page Break]**

**Logan's POV**

"Mahm?" Kendall asked in his half-awake state and in his Minnesota accent. Mrs. Knight practically flew over to his bedside.

"Kendall? Baby?" she asked. He turned to his side and winced.

"Mahm, what..." he said more clearly. Pain registered and his hands flew to his jaw.

"FUCK!" he kinda yelled, and then pressed his lips together in a muffled scream. Mrs. Knight rubbed his arm.

"Your jaw is broken sweety, don't talk." she said.

"What?" he said sleepily, then finally just decided to not talk.

"Yeah. Do you remember what happened?" she asked. Didn't she just ask him not to talk? He shook his hated but shot a hateful glace at Carlos. I thought concussions caused short-term memory loss. I learned something today. Mrs. Knight looked around and looked back at me and Carlos.

"Where is Katie?" she asked. We got up and shuffled to the waiting room. There weren't many people around anymore, considering it was about 2 now. Katie was snoring away in a seat, alone in the waiting room. I sighed and started to pick her up. Once I had her over my shoulder, I put my hands on Carlos' shoulders.

"ChooChoo!" I screamed. He shrugged my hands off.

"Come on Logan." he mumbled. That's the thing with us. When we're tired we become alter egos. Carlos gets quiet and serious and prudish and I get wild and highlike. I kneed his butt.

"You're such a buzz kill." I complained, walking and toting Katie. He sighed and walked along.

'Baby, I love you, I never wanna let you go, the more I think about it the more I want to let you know that everything you do, is super fucking cute..." I sang loudly. Carlos shushed me violently, so I pranced to the room with my lips in the zipped state little kids do. I laid Katie on a chair and slid across the floor. Mama Knight stared at me, singing Round and Round while spinning, and at Carlos who leaned against the wall, staring at me with disdain and saying nothing.

"You two need to get to bed." she chuckled. I plopped myself on the floor.

"Can we go home now?" I complained.

"Uh..." she said, staring at her son.

"He's going to have to stay anyway." Carlos said. Mama Knight rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Ok. Go tell James we're leaving." she requested. Carlos started walking, but I hopped up and sprinted into the hallway. He ran after me, but I was faster. I looked behind my shoulder and promptly collided into the fangirl intern. We both went sailing to the floor with me landing on top of her.

"Ooops." I laughed. Carlos threw his hands in the air out of frustration. The intern just stared at me like I was god. I got up and held my hand out to help her up. She just kept staring at my hand. I was about to pull away when she grabbed my whole arm, jumped on me and raped my mouth. I slammed into a wall and tried to shake her off but it wasn't happening. I ran my hands down to her ass, and that's when Carlos finally grabbed her shoulders and broke her suction.

"WHOA." I yelled, my hands out. He placed her on her feet and she sprinted off. I started laughing.

"That was epic." I said while cracking up. Carlos grabbed my arm and marched me to James' room. He opened the door on James checking his texts. He saw Carlos, dropped the phone on his ribs and squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

"Yes?" he squeaked.

"We is leaving." I responded. I broke away from Carlos and plopped myself on the chair next to James.

"Oh. Bye." he said focusing on his phone again.

"So anyway, I was running and I bumped into that intern and she totally leaped on my face." I said. James turned to me.

"What?"

"Yeah, I tried to help her up, and she leaped on me and just shoved her tongue down my throat. It was hot." I drawled. James propped himself up.

"One: You're extremely tired. Two: OH MY GOD! Logan got some action, finally." he said playfully. I smacked his arm.

".." Carlos said between his teeth. He was all blushy. I leaped up from the chair and squeezed his cheeks.

"Let's go then." he turned away and stomped off. I turned to James, shrugged and continued on my way. We checked for he intern and continued walking. Carlos refused to look at me when I talked to him. I stopped in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He turned his head sideways and looked up.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly for the first time in the last ten minutes. He shrugged.

"Is you Jealous?" I asked. His cheeks turned red again.

"Pssh. No." he said, looking at the floor now. I picked up his chin but his face fell back down. I put my face underneath his.

"It was hot, but I don't love the intern." I whispered. He moved his eyes a centimeter to look at me. He stared into my eyes like he was looking for something.

"You are one complex boy." he laughed. I kissed his nose.

"You are a complex boy's LOVAH." I yelled again, now skipping down the halls.


	16. Breakfast at Kristen's

I woke up to Carlos laying in my bed, as usual. He was in nothing except pajama pants with ducks on them, and I couldn't fight the smile that spread across my face. His eyes were peacefully closed and he looked like a five year old.

"You are so adorable." I said to myself.

"I know." Carlos groaned sleepily. I slammed into the wall.

"You're up?" I asked, gasping.

"No. My observant soul is answering your questions." he retorted.

"Someone's on the rag." I teased. He slapped my arm without enthusiasm. I looked over at the clock. It was 6:45am. I stretched and sat up.

"Fifteen more minutes." he groaned. I laughed.

"Ok then." I sang, climbing off the bed. I shuffled to the bathroom, shimmied out of my pants and shirt and entered the shower.

**[What? Did you want a description? Creeper.]**

About fifteen minutes later, I came out, clad in a towel and looking at the unconscious teenage boys before me. I shook my head, because I really didn't feel like waking Carlos up this morning, but I sucked it up and turned to my dresser. There was a soft creak. I raised my eyebrow but didn't turn around.

"Carlo-" before I could get the S in, he ripped my towel from my midsection and started slapping my ass with it. I almost fell to the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL? CARLOS!" I screamed, jumping everywhere. He was red fro laughing so much, and continuously slapped me.

"STOP!" I said, trying not to turn around but trying to get away. He finally fell over from laughing, and I grabbed the towel from his hands and wrapped it around myself with lightning speed. I was super mad, and Carlos was sobbing in mirth. I kicked his leg as hard as I could. He continued laughing.

"Fuck you!" I yelled, and kicked him less hard. He sniffled and took a squeaky breath.

"Oh god." he said letting out his last laugh and getting up. I shoved him onto Kendall's bed.

"You're an asshole." I growled, throwing my drawer open. I pointed to the door. He raised his hands. I pointed again.

"Fine." he said, squinting at me. He swiftly kissed my cheek and before I could hit him he ran from the room. I couldn't help but blush as I violently pulled on some jeans. Just as I finished putting on my belt Carlos whirled into the room.

"Logan and Carlos: Me and Katie are visiting the boys and afterwards going grocery shopping. Gustavo (angrily) dismissed you until Kendall's jaw heals. Be back later." he read from a piece of paper. I looked down at my pants.

"Then... I woke up for no reason?" I said quietly.

"I know right!" Carlos exclaimed flopping on my bed. I laid next to him. He bit his bottom lip seductively.

"What time do you think they'll be back?" he asked, toying with my belt loop.

"You need to stop." I replied, laughing.

"Whaaat?" he asked, his index finger hooked in my pants. I knocked it to the side.

"Soon." I said, getting up. He grabbed my arm.

"Nooo, stay." he whined. I grinned to myself and laid back down.

"Yes?" I asked. He snuggled even closer closer to me, his face in my neck. I kissed his forehead and laid my chin in his hair. It was silent for two minutes, just me and the smell of his hair.

"We've only kissed for real like twice." he said. I looked at him.

"What do you mean? We kiss like 24/7." I replied.

"No, like the first time was an accident, and the second time was because we were pissed. The only real ones were at the hospital... and then at the hospital again." he replied. I laughed.

"You're right." I said, kissing his forehead again. He looked up at me, his eyes all sparkly. I looked back at him with my cheeks all puffed out. He leaned and kissed me, but it was super awkward.

"That. was the DEFINITION. of a fail." he said. I laughed.

"Trail two." I said and leaned, but I ended up kissing his eye.

"Nice." he responded. I smacked the side of his head.

"Like you were any better." I retorted.

"Let's try it at the same time." he suggested. I rolled my eyes as if to say No, duh! He counted down from three and we both leaned, but ended up knocking foreheads. I fell off the bed.

"Shit!" I yelled from the floor, laughing. Carlos looked over.

"Oops." he said, biting his bottom lip again. The pain in my head seemed to intensify. My bottom lip stuck itself out and started quivering.

"Aww, Logan, don't cry." Carlos said, worried. I smiled, embarrassed, and wiped premature tears from my eyes. I sat up and he grabbed my cheeks. He shook my face around, got bored and turned my face to his.

"Why? You do realize my cheek is still swollen?" I asked. He lowered his hands and put his head down.

"Oh." he said, trying not to smile. I kicked his knee and got up.

"Where are you going?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Food." I replied. He raised his eyebrow back at me over-zealously.

"Oh, now you're eating." I rolled my eyes and nudged him with my toe.

"Yes. Bye now." I said, sticking my tongue out and leaving. I sauntered into the kitchen, plopped some cereal onto the table and poured. Carlos is cute. Carlos is so sweet. Carlos is amazing. Carlos makes me smile. I sighed and put the box down. I sat down and started eating. I didn't even notice that Carlos had switched to his room as I ate my cereal in a daze. The fact that it had no milk didn't hit me. I took a sigh and laid my head on my hands. It felt awesome to be with Carlos, someone I don't deserve, and is the most amazing human to roam the fair grasses of our earth. I clinked my spoon against the bowl and all I could think was "Lalalalalala".

**Carlos' POV**

I put on a shirt and went into the kitchen to get cereal. Logan was kind of staring into space, eating dry cereal but I dismissed it as daydreaming. I took the cereal from the table, poured it into a bowl, got milk and poured it into Logan's bowl. He looked at me, but kind of through me. I poured some milk into my bowl and sat down.

"You alright?" I asked, looking at my cereal.

"Yah." he replied. I shrugged.

"What are we doing after this?" I asked.

"I don't know, chillax." he said. I snorted to avoid choking on lucky charms.

"Did you really just say chillax?" I asked. He didn't say anything. I looked up. He was staring at me, bewildered.

"When did you get here?" He asked. I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"Uh, you were just having a conversation with me." I said, kind of scared. He shook his head.

"I honestly don't remember that." he said, rubbing his eyes. I patted his shoulder from across the table.

"You'll be ok." He nodded and stared straight at me lovingly. I looked at my cereal to avoid exposing the hotness rising to my cheeks. I looked from under my eyelids and he was still staring at me.

"Yes?" I asked, still, looking at him.

"I love you." he sang. The blushing ran up to my nose again, and I couldn't hold back that stupid grin.

"Thank you." I said, my voice cracking. Logan burst into laughter and my cheeks got even more hot. I got up and emptied the disgusting parts of my cereal (the non sweet parts) into the garbage.

"Oh god look at your cheeks!" Logan squealed, jumping from his chair and turning me around against my will. I was smiling a little too much now.

"Awwwwwwwwwww." he said. I turned my head violently, but he bounced it back.

"You're like deep red. HOW ADORABLE!" he crooned over me, squeezing my cheeks a little too hard. He released my cheeks.

"I think you murdered my face." I said, touching my cheeks.

"Carlos." he said, using his plan voice.

"Yeah-" I was cut off when Logan attempted to kiss me but we bumped noses instead. I clutched mine for dear life, he stood there laughing at me.

"I hate you." I muttered, unhanding my sensitive nose. He shimmied over to me.

"Aww, did I hurt Carlos?" he said in a baby-like voice. I turned away.

"Shut the hell up." I said, biting my bottom lip in order not to laugh or ravage his face (which would of course end up failing). I put my two index fingers in his belt loops and pulled him closer.

"What should we do now?" I asked very quietly. Logan raised his eyebrow at me in that "Oh hell no, but it's also funny" kind of way.

"Someone's horny." he replied.

"Indeed." I said in an opera singer's voice. He laughed and pushed away, then positioned himself in the spot he was in. He stood about five feet away from me.

"Let's try this again." he said, sounding ready for business. I shrugged.

"1. 2. 3!" he said and started to walk toward me, but was stopped when he tripped over his own feet right in front of my pants.

"Compromising position you're in." I said, looking down. He raised his eyebrow for the umpteenth time today, but instead of scolding he pulled my pants down like 5 inches with his teeth. One couldn't imagine the horror I felt at that moment. I moved so quickly I almost kicked him in the face.

"Let's not engage ourselves in such activities." I said, hotness running to my face again. I heard him laugh.

"Or let's." he retorted. Pulling my pants another two inches. I literately yanked them up to my waist.

"Logan. You need to stop." he sat on the floor cross legged and put his chin in his hands.

"Carlos, why are you contradicting yourself?" he asked, his head a little to the side. I shrugged and I could feel myself blushing even more.

"Its... inappropriate." I mumbled.

"You raped me. Consciously and unconsciously." Logan replied calmy. I squirmed.

"That's not the point." I whined, sitting down. I felt very self conscious as the seconds went by.

**[Page Break]**

_"James, get the fuck off of me!" The boy screamed, underneath the dark basement stairs of his best friend's house. He heard the taller boy laughed darkly but nothing else._

"And why would I do that?" he whispered against his shorter friend. The boy could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was overwhelming. The grip on the boy's wrist was tighter.

"What are you doing?" the hostage boy asked, his voice tortured and thick with fear. The boy above him gnawed at the most sensitive part of his neck. The boy underneath him squirmed.

"You're wasted. You don't want to do this." the boy pleaded, scared out of his mind.

"Oh, but what if I wanted to do this..." he trailed off and placed his mouth onto his best friend's. The boy subconsciously gasped, allowing access for his taller friend. The trapped boy tried as hard as he couldn't to restrain his inevitable tears. His friend pulled back up, and in the dim light, he could see moisture that wasn't his.

"All along?" he asked. The boy being restrained shook his head while being taken over with sobs.

"Don't do this James." he said quietly. The boy above sucked on that part of his neck again, and although he pressed his lips together, his jeans got significantly tighter. The one holding him down noticed this and laughed again.

"You most definitely don't want me to get off of you." he said seductively. He shook violently trying to keep a sob in.

"James, please." he barely said, overcome by silent tears the taller intoxicated boy couldn't see. The room got darker, since it should have been about 7 now. The boy underneath started to panic, breathing in short, erratic breaths.

"Relaaaax Carlos," the other boy said softly, pulling his hostage's shirt over his head. The boy desperately thrashed about, but it didn't help anything. The drunken boy above him trailed a very slow, seductive trail from his victim's ear to his belt buckle. The boy's short breaths were for a new, unintentional reason. His friend managed to tug his pants and boxers off with his teeth all while holding him down.

"James! Stop! Just stop right fucking now!" The helpless child said, his voice cracking pitifully.

"Happy 15th birthday, Carlos." his friend crooned, and almost engulfed his whole friend in his mouth. The boy slammed his eyes shut and bit his tongue to avoid any encouragement. In the extremely dim light he could see his friends head bob up and down. His eyelids drooped as he threw his head back.

"J-James, stop..." he trailed off in a hushed groan. His taller friend had immediately divulged into skilled deep-throating (where would he pick up this stuff from?), so it was kind of impossible to restrain. He subconsciously let his mouth drop open, his eyes still half lidded.

"Oh gaaahd." he moaned significantly louder. His friend took this as an initiative to go faster, as he did. The boy's breaths grew more erratic and swiftly changed to gasps.

"James... J-JAMES... OH MY GOD, JAMES." He whined loudly against his own will. He bucked his hips violently multiple times. He became a loud, moaning, thrashing, yelling, groaning mess.

"Mpph, James, ah, close, REALLY, uhhhh, close... NGH!" the shorter boy yelled, very quickly going over the edge. Coming down from his orgasm, he realized the room was very black now, and all he could hear was James shift from wherever he was to wherever he was going. He let go of his friend's wrists, finally and crawled up to his ear.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" he slurred. The boy shoved him, literately leaped into his pants and took off clumsily in the dark basement.

**[Page Break]**  
_  
_It was over two years ago, but it made me squirm uncomfortably in my seat as he watched me. I remember I stumbled up the stairs from my basement, sobbing and struggling to keep my pants up. James had passed out drunk and I had to call my dad and act like nothing had happened except James had drank to much. It got too awkward, so Logan and Kendall left with James' annoyed parents. I felt all ashamed for a really long time, and to this day I remember my 15th birthday as the worst birthday ever.

"Then what's the point?" he asked. It was like he could read my mind. More hotness ran to my cheeks.

"I... uh... well nothing, really." I replied, not fooling anyone. Logan put his chin on my knee and looked up at me with those dumbass hypnotizing eyes.

"Carlos... you can tell me." he said reassuringly. I sighed, because this was turning out to be a losing fight.

"." I said loudly and way too fast. Logan just blinked.

"Ugh, fine. Ok, remember my 15th birthday?" I asked. Logan nodded vigorously.

"James like passed out?" I nodded.

"Yeah, ok, did you realize we were like gone for 30 minutes? James was like all wasted and he may have kinda sexually harassed me..." I trailed off. Logan had his face scrunched up in confusion.

"I like held me hostage in the basement and literately randomly gave me a blow job." I finally said, annoyed at Logans fail at making connections. Logan's jaw dropped.

"No way? You're cereal right now?" he asked. I nodded. He pointed at me repeatedly.

"THAAT'S why you wouldn't talk to James all that week. He was all like Carlos, I was so drunk, I'm sooo sorry and you're like grumble." he realized and I nodded.

"Si senor." I crooned, and hopped off the barstool. "Story of my life." I said, drinking milk from the carton.

"I knew something happened. Mmhm, I'm smart. But isn't it awkward around you two..?" he asked, hugging my neck.

"Nah." I replied. "We is cool now." I said, sticking out my tongue. He kissed my neck.

"Don't worry. I'm not to going to rape you in a basement." I laughed.

"Thanks." I replied. I turned around and leaned into his lips. When I pulled away, Logan gave me high five.

"WE FINALLY GOT SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED!" He yelled. I smiled and took another sip from the milk._  
_


End file.
